#europe

Blondes are getting clever. A blond walks into a bank in New York City and asks for a loan. She is going on a two week long businesstip arround Europe and needs a loan on $800. The banker says that the bank needs some kind of security for the loan. The blonde hands over the keys for her brand new Mercedes, which is parked right outside of the bank. The banker says this will work just fine as security for the loan and accepts the car keys. The banker and his co-workers laughes at the blonde si…

Sad but true. Worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure, In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant, In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant, In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant, In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant, In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant, In South America the…

A New York Blonde joke. A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank’s president…

A teacher asks her class to come up with a sentence... ...that contains the word "contagious." Amy stands up and says "Last week my mummy had the flu. It was contagious." "Very good," says the teacher. "Anyone else?" Then Becky stands up and says "a long time ago the Bubonic Plague affected a lot of Europe and because it was very contagious a lot of people died." "Very good," says the teacher. "One more?" Little Johnny then stands up and says "my next door neighbour recently started painting…

Rich sheik's son studies abroad The rich sheik's son is sent to Europe to study. After a month, he writes an e-mail to his father: "Father, I'm doing great here. My classmates are nice, the professors are great and the courses are well-structured and organized. There's one small thing though - I feel kind of embarrassed when I arrive at university in my Lamborghini every day, whereas my fellow students and even the profs come here every day with a subway train, I stick out like a sore thumb." …

A long time ago, a father, visiting America from Europe for... ...the very first time, went up and down the aisles with his son-in-law at the local store. He constantly asked questions about products he saw: "Vas diss? Powdered orange juice?" "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh 'orange juice.'" A few minutes later, in a different aisle: "Und vas dis? Powdered milk?" "Yeh, Dad. You just add a little water, and you have fresh milk!" A few minutes later, in a different …

Found this in my timeline... I was fed up with being burgled every other day in my neighbourhood. So, I tore out my alarm system & de-registered from our local Neighbourhood Watch. I've planted a Pakistani flag in each corner of my front garden and a large Black Flag of ISIL in its centre. Now,the Yorkshire police, the National Security Bureau, Scotland Yard, MI-5, MI-6, the CIA and every other intelligence service in Europe are all watching my house 24x7x365. My children are followed to school…

a joke from the war a man is flying a combat mission over Europe. He gets shot down and has to bail out. He breaks both his legs, is captured by Germans, then taken to a POW camp. The first week they have to amputate his right leg. He asks one of them "After you're done, can you have one of your pilots fly my leg over my base in England and drop it there?", so they do it. The next week they have to cut off his other leg. And he asks them again "Could you please have someone drop this off o…

A rich man decides to visit Europe After a few weeks, he received a message from his butler simply saying, "Your dog is dead." Upon his return, the rich man began to scold the butler for how poorly he had handled the situation. "How should I have handled it sir?" The butler asked. "Well, you could have started with, your dog is on the roof. Then you could have sent another that said, your dog has fallen off the roof and is grievously wounded. Finally, you could have sent another that said, your…

Four CEOs meet up at a bar Its the CEO of Budweiser, CEO of Heineken, CEO of Carlsberg and CEO of Guinness. The CEO from Budweiser orders a Bud and says "the best selling beer in america" and enjoys a sip. The CEO of Heineken orders him a Heineken, says "the best selling beer in Europe" and takes a sip. The CEO of Carlsberg takes a bottle of Carlsberg, takes a sip and say "probably the best beer in the world". The CEO of Guinness askes the bartender if he can have pepsi, all the other CEO's spi…

Dirty Sailor Joke A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I'm off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go t…

A (Smart) Blonde Offers Collateral For A Loan... A blonde woman walks into a Manhattan bank and says she'd like to take out a $5,000 loan since she will be vacationing to Europe. When the banker asks what she will be using as collateral, she points to her brand new Bentley. The banker is surprised, but agrees. She leaves, and he laughs; who uses such an expensive car as collateral for such a small loan? But he shrugs it off and parks the car in the banks garage. Three weeks later, the woman ret…

Women are alot like continents. At various times in her life, a woman is like the continents of the world. From 13 to 18, she's like Africa- virgin territory. From 18 to 30, she's like Asia- hot and exotic. From 30 to 45, she's like America- fully explored and free with her resources. From 45 to 55, she's like Europe- exhausted, but not without places of interest. From 55 onwards, she's like Australia- everybody knows it's down there, but nobody cares.

A man comes into his favourite bar and orders 3 Beers.... ...he sits down at his table where he is always sitting. A new bartender comes to him and asks what he wants to drink. The man orders 3 beers at once alone, drinks each of them and leaves the bar... Two weeks later he comes back to the bar, same procedure, ordering 3 beers at once and drinks em. When the man wants to pay his drinks, the new bartender asks: "Sir, why do you order 3 beers at the same time? You could get fresh ones all the…

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio. Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States. "Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America. "And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory. "And we're also at war with the British Empire…

So I hear that the Euro is destabilizing and deflating... ...if its value decreases any more, Europe might have to switch back to their old international currency, Czechoslovakia.

Just an old Bible Jimmy had decided to take a year off before starting college and to hitchhike around Europe with his friend Billy. After several weeks he called his dad to get him to send them more money . "It's been more expensive than I thought over here Dad", Jimmy told his dad. "We got to Germany and we were dead broke." "Well, do you have any money to eat until I can get more money to you?" Dad asks. "Yeah", jimmy replies. "We made a little money cleaning all the junk out of an old h…

My 4 year old nephew's favourite joke. Knock knock! who's there? Europe. Europe who? No, You're a poo! Followed by devious laughter.

Little Johnny...again. A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give imp…

A Texas man is on vacation in Europe.. As he walks along with a tour guide, they come across some graffiti where someone has spray painted 'Yankee go home!" The tour guide flustered and a bit embarrassed, said 'sorry you had to see that' The Texan said 'don't worry, where I'm from we don't like them either'

Genius! Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and g…

A man backpacking in Europe... Comes across a small village with no modern technology. It's starting to get dark so he asks a villager if he can stay the night. The villager agrees. As the night goes on, the man gets bored and asks the villager if there is any way he can have a good time. *Wink wink* The villager says "well there is Sven". The man thinks to himself "I'm not gay, but what the hell" and asks how much for Sven. To which the villager replies 400 euros. The man says "wow that's a…

Europe be like... eu: uk bro? uk: it's not eu, it's me.

Wish Translated from my language, might contain mistakes, I apologize in advance. Guy was walking on the beach and saw an Aladdin Lamp buried in the sand. He grabbed it, rubbed it till it got clean and genie came out and told him: -You have freed me from the lamp, I can make one wish come true for you. Guy thought for a sec and said: - Its been 20 years since I moved to US, I would love to go and visit my country but Im afraid of the planes and flying and I get sea sick on a boat. Can y…

What's the difference between America and Europe? In America, we call our inbred hillbillies. In Europe, they call them royals.