#england

british cops are calld "bobbys"& dont hav guns. i kno a kid in 3rd grade named bobby who has no gun. hes basically a cop if he go to england

[England 1320] "Dearest fair lady, thou art the finest in the land. Allow me to gaze upon thee soon. My love grows." *waits 6 months* "K"

ME:John's coming over for dinner. WIFE:Work John or Been to Europe John? JOHN:*from outside* This door reminds me of one I saw in England.

Do the followers in England read my tweets in an English accent? Because I write them in a Jamaican accent..so that must be weird..mon

It's cool how in England they call trucks "lorries" and dentists "never"

Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?

The rest of these people must be totally shitfaced. -me, driving in England

England vs USA. Loser gets New Jersey.

My son asked me what language they speak in England. This would have been cute if he wasn't 20 ... And in college.

Doctor Who. He can travel to any planet during any period but mostly ends up in places that look like present day England.

Wait so does Smashing Pumpkins refer to destroying pumpkins or are they just super good pumpkins in England

England doesn't have a kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool

It's weird how in England the passenger drives the car

if you watch Titanic from d back; it's about dead people resurrecting from the sea, pulling up a ship fixing it and sailing to England

The Church of England rejected female bishops. How can women's rights expect to move forward if they're not even allowed to move diagonally?

Editor: You wrote a play about Victorian England using menstrual blood as ink? Me: Yes, it's a period piece.

A wedding is like inviting your family and friends to the dock to watch you leave England on the Titanic.

"Your resume says you spent 4 years in England. What were you doing?" *flashback to me trying to find the actual Hogwarts* "Grad school."

*loses 100 pounds in the US* yes *loses 100 pounds in England* no

it must be killing england not to be able to make fun of our dumbasses because their dumbasses did brexit

My wife is from England so I gave her a good Rogering for Valentine's Day. He just left and she seemed to enjoy it, so... score?

Look at you, putting your bag of popcorn into a bowl like the Queen of England.

Just purchased one of those wigs that lawyers in England wear to put on when I have an argument with my wife.

Dear America Would you please take the 's' off the word 'legos' and put it back on the word 'math' where it belongs. Many thanks England

Me: "If Americans say 'sidewalk', what do we mean in England?" My six year old: "Crab!"