#new-jersey

"You're not the Bruce Springsteen of me!" - Angry employee from New Jersey

England vs USA. Loser gets New Jersey.

If someone from New Jersey bites you, are you from New Jersey?

Just saw an Italian guy from New Jersey in an Ed Hardy hat reading a book! Ha, just kidding. He was raping.

I read that a couple from New Jersey named their baby Adolf Hitler. They should be ashamed, New Jersey is no place to raise a kid.

Marriage in New Jersey should be between a tan and a woman.

Just yelled "I will strangle you in front of your pets" out of my window to a car that cut me off in traffic on a highway in New Jersey.

Now marriage can be between any two people who are misguided enough to start a life together in New Jersey.

The local radio station is having a contest. First place wins a week in New Jersey. Second place wins 2 weeks in New Jersey.

A 2nd Grade Teacher was Fired Today /DryHumor A superintendent, school principal, vice principal, and New Jersey Department of Education are touring the elementary school for their annual walkthrough. The hallways buzz about as they pass classroom after classroom, a living collage of Language Arts lessons, Social Studies, sing songs edutainment and the like. One classroom is noticeably silent. The group stops. A few light raps on the door summons the teacher, Ken Tibbles. The students heads are …

TIL The New Jersey Devils have never changed their logo or uniform design/colours. No new New Jersey jersey.

Hunters A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: 'My friend is dead! What can I do?' The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: 'Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.' There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. …

My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it stinks... So I drove her to New Jersey..

Fastest thang in the universe An Indian Joke - Masterpiece! After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified -- an American, a Russian, an Australian and an Indian. He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question. Their answer would determine which of them would get the job. The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, ""What is the fastest thing you know?"" Dave, the American, replied,""A THOUGHT""…

I was making out with my girlfriend in my car when she said ""OOH DARMOK!! KISS ME DOWN WHERE IT SMELLS!"" ...so I drove her to New Jersey.

NEW YORK STATE OF MIND Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome

Bob Dylan's story about East Orange New Jersey (from his Gaslight '61 recordings). I can imagine Norm Macdonald telling this. ""First time I ever worked in East Orange New Jersey - folks, never go to East Orange New Jersey. It's a horrible town. I went there to play in a coffeehouse in East Orange New Jersey. It was a chess playing coffeehouse out there. It was so bad, uh, so bad, people playing chess out there. Uh, that's all I thought about was chess and chess and chess. People come up to me, …

My dad's day at work... My dad is a police officer out here in New Jersey (US), and the irony is perfect. My dad drives up to a nearby school and spots three teenagers smoking cigarettes out back. Somebody recently called from the area about a kid who was stealing outside equipment from the neighborhood and one of the teenagers matched the description. My dad drives up to them and calls the one matched over to his car. He asks him what they've been doing and the normal of an officer. My dad then…

I made it into the National Pun Championship last year... I was selected from a radio contest when I called in and submitted a pun to win concert tickets. A week later after the concert they called the other winners and I back to compete for the Maryland Pun Playoffs. There were five of us in all, and I came out on top as the state's winner. I was pumped! One month later I was in the Regional Finals. The 50 states get divided into ten groups of five each, so I was up against the best pun-makers …

A Joke for Hockey Fans A Devils fan, a Rangers fan and an Islanders fan are all standing at the edge of a cliff, staring death in the face. The Devils fan screams out ""this is for New Jersey!"" and proceeds to jump, plummeting to his death. The Islanders fan then screams out ""this is for New York!"" and shoves the Rangers fan off the cliff.

If Mississippi lost her New Jersey what would Delaware? Idaho, Alaska

A priest dies... And goes to heaven. There's a small queue to get in, and when he gets to be second in line, he overhears St. Peter asking some basic questions to the man in front of him, like what's your name/ occupation, and where are you from? They guy in front of the priest is wearing tight fitting, torn black clothing, has greasy slicked back hair and a overall punky attitude. He responds is a thick, NY accent, "" Yo yo my name is Joe. I'm a taxi cab driver from New York."" St. Peter finds …

If Mississippi wore a New Jersey, what did Delaware? I dunno, Alaska.

What Did Delaware? -She wore her New Jersey! Why did California? -She called to ask Hawaii. Where did Chicago? -The same place Oregon Where has Oregon? I don't know but Alaska. She said she went to pay her Texas. What did Missisip? She sipped a Minnesota. What did Tennessee? The same thing Arkansas How did Wisconsin? He robbed an Oklahoma using a Kentucky. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NztfOSyCCFM