#hawaii

Friend: It looks like you're packing to go on an extended vacation. Where to, the Caribbean or Hawaii? Me: No, this is just my lunch.

The wife convinced me into taking her to Hawaii if she lost 20 pounds. You'd be surprised how many M&M's someone can swallow in their sleep.

[looking at pics] Where's that? -Hawaii Where's that? -Jamaica Daddy where was I? -You weren't born Why's the folder called 'Good Ole Days'?

When Gwen Stefani goes to Hawaii I bet she aint no mahaloback girl either.

It was so cold UN weapons inspectors suddenly decided that chemical weapons might be hidden in Hawaii

A guy in Hawaii survived a shark attack while surfing by punching the shark in the face and I get scared to take a shower if I see a spider.

Does North Korea remember what happened the last time a country attacked Hawaii?

A coworker wouldn't stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.

Never understood why ghosts haunt old, dusty houses. If I was a ghost I'd haunt Hawaii or Bali

the compUtah Maineframe has crashed and Idaho how to fix it. Alaska round to find out Hawaii it happened. Are Delaware of the situation?

Two Priests going on vacation to Hawaii were... determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their ""tourist"" garb They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a ""drop dead gorgeous"" blonde in a topless bikini came walkin…

Honk if you love Jesus Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes... The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a ""Honk if you love Jesus"" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just…

Yet another damn genie joke A man is walking on the beach in California when he trips over a lamp in the sand. A genie emerges and says, ""You've freed me after being in that lamp for a thousand years! In gratitude, I will give you one wish."" The man thinks for a bit and says, ""You know, I'd like to visit Hawaii, but I'm deathly afraid of boats and airplanes. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii?"" ""Come on, buddy, I've been in a lamp for a thousand years; I want to get out and see the world. …

Your best clean joke? Mine: 3 men are wandering lost in the desert, and stumble upon a lamp. They rub it, and a Genie comes out. He tells them ""I will give you each one wish."" The first man says ""I really miss my family. I'd love to be back with them."" *POOF* He's back with his family. The second man says ""I don't have a family, but I'd love to be on the beach in Hawaii, surrounded by beautiful women."" *POOF* He's in Hawaii. The third thinks for a little while and says ""I'm lonely here. I…

I took a class to learn Chinese phonetically. Here are some phrases: Ai Bang Mai Ne: I bumped into the coffee table Chin Tu Fat: You need a face lift Gun Pao Der: An ancient Chinese invention Hu Flung Dung: Which one of you fertilized the field? Hu Yu Hai Ding: We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive Jan Ne Ka Sun: A former late night talk show host Kum Hia: Approach me Lao Ze Sho: Gilligan's Island Lao Ze: Not very good Lin Ching: An illegal execution Moon Lan Ding: A great achie…

a man finds a genie lamp and the genie says I will grant you one wish... The man thinks for a moment, and says, I'd like for you to build a road from my house to Hawaii, because I've always wanted to go there, but I don't like boats or planes, I'd just rather drive. The genie replies, ""that would be impossible... There is no way an over water road could be built that long, and with the ocean currents and severe weather it would just be simply impossible... You will have to wish for something el…

A man found a genie in a bottle The genie said the man could have one wish. The man thought about it and asked for a road from his house to Hawaii. The genie quickly dismissed him saying that is to hard and to ask for something else. Once again the man thought about it and said ""well I would like to see some original content on the front page of r/funny."" The genie looked at him and said ""would that be two lanes or four?""

A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, ""For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one."" The man thought for a minute and said, ""I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I'm afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii."" The genie thought f…

Two priests were going to Hawaii on vacation ... ... and decided that they would make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc. The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their ""tourist"" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine, and the scenery when a ""drop dead gorgeous"" blonde in a t…

A professor, a graduate student and a post-doc are researching genie conjuring when, lo and behold, they say the right words and the genie pops out. The genie says, ""I have to give 3 wishes, so since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish."" The post-doc says, ""Me first! I want to be on a beach in Hawaii with a Mai Tai on one side and a Chippendale on the other!"" Poof! She's gone. The grad student says, ""Me next! I want to be in the Bahamas on a speedboat with a beautiful woman rubbing my s…

I took my wife to Hawaii for our 25th wedding anniversary. You know what I did for our 50th? Went back and got her.

A devout man sits at a cliff.... He sits at the cliffs of California, staring out into the Pacific, praying to God everyday. One day, god answers. God says he is the most pure, righteous and devout. He will give him a wish as a reward. The man replies that he wishes there was a super highway that led to Hawaii, so people could visit it more. God says that it isn't that he *can't* do it, just that it is a serious thing. And it will take a lot. The sheer logistics... all the concrete... maybe you …

A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie! The genie said, ""OK. You released me from the lamp, blah, blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes. So you can forget about getting three wishes. You only get one wish. The man sat down on the beach and thought about it for awhile. Then he said, ""I've always wanted to go to Hawaii; but I'm scared to fly and I ge…

Highway to Hawaii One day a man came across a magic lamp. Naturally, the man rubbed the lamp and a genie appeared. The genie gave the man one wish. Not wanting to waste the wish the man thought about it for awhile and decided he wanted the genie to build a highway to Hawaii, as he wanted to visit there, but was deathly afraid of flying. The genie immediately laughed and said no. ""That is insane!"" The genie exclaimed, ""The amount of engineering design to account for ocean currents and weather …

A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, ""Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."" The biker pulled over and said, ""Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."" God replied, ""Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concre…