#alaska

im leavin the united states now that trump is president i am packing my bags and moving to alaska i don't wanna live in this country anymore

Her: I heard your sister went to the US. Me: Yeah she did. Her: Which state? Me: Alaska. Her: Cool, when she tells you, tell me.

Do cops tell bad guys to freeze in Alaska? Or is it just understood?

NCAA Hockey needs to re-name brackets. How is Alaska in the NE? They can see Russia.

the compUtah Maineframe has crashed and Idaho how to fix it. Alaska round to find out Hawaii it happened. Are Delaware of the situation?

To be part of the clan... A man is looking for a radical life change. After considerable thought, he decides to move to the freezing regions of Alaska, to live with the Eskimos. He leaves soon afterwards. He really enjoys his time there. He seems to be getting along with everyone, and has learned to adapt to the harsh climate. And though he's friendly with everyone, he isn't ever considered their equals. This eats at him for a while. He decides he must earn the eskimo's respect if he is to survi…

A guy driving through Alaska has car trouble. He finds a garage in town, and the mechanic tells him he'll check out the car, and to go across the street to the diner and have lunch during the wait, because it will take about 30 minutes. The guy goes to the diner, then back to the garage in a half hour, and asks the mechanic what's up. Mechanic says, ""It looks like you blew a seal."" Guy wipes his mouth and says, ""No - that was just the vanilla ice cream I had for dessert.""

Santa's Reindeer According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl. We should've known... ONLY wom…

When I was visiting the islands in Alaska, I thought I saw an eye doctor wandering around... It was just an optical Aleutian.

If you call someone from Alaska an Alaskan, someone from Texas a Texan, and Iowa an Iowan; what do you call someone from Utah? A Mormon

Alaskan said to Texan: Stop bragging.... ...about how big your state is, or we'll divide Alaska in half and make you the third largest state.

The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost. The year is 13,000 BC. The first human migrants to America are about to cross the land bridge between Eastern Russia and Alaska. The navigator seems a bit lost. ""You alright?"" They ask him, waiting eagerly at the shore with a distant view of the new lands that awaited them. ""Yeah, I think so,"" the navigator replies, staring intently at some kind of primiti…

Two priests die at the same time and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, ""I'd like to get you guys in now but our computers are down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"" The first priest says, ""I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."" ""So be it,"" says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, ""Will you be keeping track of us…

Knock Knock Who's there? Alask. Alask who? Alaska later

Bubba wants to be a Lumberjack Bubba is a good old boy from Texas who visits Alaska and is amazed at the size of Alaska. He visits a lumber camp and wants to be a Lumberjack he tells the foreman. The boys have a little fun with Bubba and they tell him you have to pass 3 tests. Test one is to chop a hole in the frozen lake and swim for 5 minutes. Test 2 is kill a grizzly bear with your bare hands. Test 3 is to go into town and make love to Nanuck the Eskimo woman. Where is the lake? and they poin…

3 legged bear..... There was a 3 legged bear in the woods, sad as it was he ran into a one legged bear from Alaska - he was the 3 legged bears polar opposite.

Is she Hungary? ""Is she Hungary?"" Jimmy asked. ""Alaska,"" said Johnny. ""Yes, Siam,"" she replied. ""All right. I'll Fiji,"" Jimmy offered. ""Oh, don't Russia "" Johnny admonished. ""What if she Whales?"" Jimmy demanded. ""Give her a Canada Chile,"" Johnny suggested. ""I'd rather have Turkey,"" she said. ""Except that I can't have Greece."" When the waiter bought the check, Johnny asked Jimmy, ""I say, look and see how much has Egypt you.""

What if the Super Tuesday results were actual soups? Alabama 53 delegates The Democrats here elevated a classic cream of mushroom, picking mostly Hen of the Woods while the overwhelming majority of Republicans here insisted on drinking the Kool-Aid, even though the beverage is technically not a soup in any way. Arkansas 32 delegates The Republicans were presented with a fountain of hot spring water, in which a small ham was placed. They were very proud of their ingenuity. A consome of edamame …

I went on a date with a woman from Alaska... Things were going pretty well, and we sincerely enjoyed each others company. Then at the end of the night, I tried to give her an Eskimo kiss, but I guess she wasn't really Inuit.

I can see Alaska from my window and I live in [Joisey!] (http://newyork.cbslocal.com/photo-galleries/2016/01/23/blizzard-2016-brings-flooding-snow-to-new-jersey/)

What did Delaware? Idaho. Alaska

A Texan interrupts an argument... On 4 January 1959 two Eskimos where sitting on the steps of the Capital in DC. Embroiled in a heated argument, a Texan who walks by interrupts them and says ""Volks, settle down, this ain't the place to shout."" Stone faced the Eskimos turn to the Texan and one says ""shut up, or we will split Alaska in two and make Texas the third biggest state in the union.""

I just realized Alaska has some really weird city names Did Juneau that?

Juneau what Juneau is the capital of? No?... I guess Alaska professional!

Culturally no one in alaska dates in the winter. When asked why, one alaskan replied, ""We try, but its hard to break the ice.""