#second-priest

[At Wedding] Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife? Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND Priest: TOO LATE. YOU'RE MINE NOW, IDIOT.

So three priests are having lunch... and the first priests complains about having bats in his bell tower. ""They just moved in and I can't seem to be able to get them to leave."" The second priest chirps up with the same problem. ""I've had them for 2 years now and nothing I do makes any difference."" Finaly the third priests speaks up after a big bite of his lunch. ""Ya, I use to have that problem too."" ""How did you get rid of them?"" ""I baptized them; now the only come around for Christmas …

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, ""I'm Jesus Christ."" The first priest says, ""No, son, you're not."" So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest says, ""No, son, you're not."" The drunk says, ""Look, I can prove it."" He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, ""Jesus Christ, you're here again?""

Two priests die at the same time and meet St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, ""I'd like to get you guys in now but our computers are down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?"" The first priest says, ""I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."" ""So be it,"" says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, ""Will you be keeping track of us…

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says, ""I'm Jesus Christ."" The first priest says, ""No, son, you're not."" The drunk turns to the other priest. ""I'm Jesus Christ."" The second priest replies, ""No, son, you're not."" So the drunk says, ""Look, I can prove it."" He walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and exclaims, ""Jesus Christ, you're here again?

Two Priests compared jobs Two priests from different Protestant faiths decided they'd have a day together where they would observe each other's day-to-day work. They went to the first priest's church and got to work. They started the day with confessions. The first priest made his money from confessions, but the second priest did not believe in paying for forgiveness, so he was financially supported by his congregation's voluntary tithings. A man came to the confessional and said, ""Father, I ha…

Three priests are deciding how much money to give to the faith and how much to keep. The first priest says ""I draw a line on the ground and throw all the money in the air. I give away all the money on one side of the line and keep the rest."" The second priest says ""I draw a circle on the ground and throw all the money at it. Then I give all the money that misses the circle away"". The third priest says ""Well i just keep all the money, and whatever god wants, he takes"".

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept. The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle god kept. The rabb…

Three priests were fishing on a boat when they ran out of bait. The first priest got up and walk across the water to get some more bait. After 2 hours they ran out of bait again and the second priest said he would go get more bait...so he got up and walk across the water. After 3 hours of fishing they ran out of bait again and the third priest said he would get more bait. So he stepped out of the boat and went straight to the bottom. The first priest turned to the second priest and asked ""Sh…

eer booze and fun!' 'A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says ''I'm Jesus Christ.'' The first priest says ''No son I'm Jesus Christ.'' So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies ''No son I'm Jesus Christ.'' The drunk says ''Look I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims ''Jesus Christ you're here again?''

Three Priest are deciding what to do with the church donations for the week One priest suggests that they draw a circle, throw all the money in tha air and whatever lands inside the circle they give to God. The second priest suggests that they draw a circle, throw the money in the air, and whatever lands outside of the circle they give to God. The third priest suggests that they simply throw the money into the air, and whatever God wants he takes.

Three priests and their wives die in a plane crash... So three priests and their wives are flying back from an interdenominational conference when the plane crashes and they all die. They all arrive at the pearly gates at the same time. St. Peter says to the first priest, "I am sorry, but I cannot let you in. You adored sugar and sweets. You had the biggest sweet tooth, and was so involved with sugar and sweets that you married a woman named Candy." Off they go to hell. St. Peter then addr…

3 priests at lunch So three priests are out to lunch. One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church, "I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave." The second priest relates to the first, "I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away." The third priest says, "Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."

Three priests are in a boat in the middle of the lake... ...when one realizes he needs to relieve himself. Being a decent man, he decides that he will go in the woods on the shore. This priest folds his hands and begins to say a prayer before leaving the boat. Miraculously he steps out of the boat onto the surface of the water and easily walks to the shore without getting wet. Once he returns, the second priest realized he forgot something on the shore, he bows, repeats the prayer and walks ove…

Four Priests and a Woman Sit Down For Lunch around St. Peter's Square... The first priest says: "My son's a priest, whenever he walks in a room people say 'Hello Father!'" The second priest says: "My son's a bishop, whenever he walks into a room people say 'Your Grace!" The third priest says: "Well my son's a cardinal, whenever he walks into a room people say "Your Eminence!" The fourth priest looks at his fellows and says: "My son's the pope, when he walks into a room everyone says "Your Holi…

Three priests are talking after dinner ... Three priests meet up for dinner. After dinner they're talking about how they divide up the collection from the congregation between the church and themselves. The first priest says, I draw a circle on the ground and throw all the money up in air. Whatever falls in the circle I keep and the rest goes to the church. The second priest says, I do something similar. I too draw a circle on the ground and throw all the money up in air. Whatever falls in the …

A drunk staggers out of a bar and runs right into two priests. He says "I'm Jesus Christ." The first priest says "no son you're not." The drunk turns to the other priest, "I'm jesus Christ" to which the second priest replies "no son you're not." So the drunk says "Look I'll show you." So he walks back into the bar with the two priests. The bartender takes one look at the drunk and says "Jesus Christ you're here again?" EDIT: Thanks!