#jesus-christ

"Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord & Savior?" "No." "Why not, sir?" "Because, it would make my rabbi sad."

COP: careful, this guy's insane DETECTIVE: ok [he walks into the interrogation room] ME: i dont like the creme part of oreos D: jesus christ

Judas: The one I kiss is Jesus Christ. Soldier: You can just point to him. Judas: (putting on lip-balm) I don't tell you how to do your job.

GOOD COP: Crazy girlfriend? I know how THAT is BAD COP: He's trying to get on your side so you confess GOOD COP: Jesus Christ, Frank

How Jesus was named: Mary: Joseph, I'm having a baby. Joseph: JESUS CHRIST!

I have accepted "Jesus Christ!" as my personal exclamation.

[guy in dark alley] Psst. Hey, lady... *opens trench coat* CHECK OUT- *dozens of bibles fall out* -our Lord and savior Jesus Christ

I want to know what love is. I want you to show me. No, not you. You. On the left. Other left. No. Jesus Christ, I'll do it myself.

PILOT: if you look out the window you'll see we're cruising at 35,000 feet [i look out the window] [THE SKY IS FULL OF FEET JESUS CHRIST]

"Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?" Crowd: "NEIGH!" "Jesus Christ."

May I talk to you about Jesus Christ? - how I get out of any situation

ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress

When I'm backing out of a parking spot I like to just close my eyes and gun it because anythings possible through Jesus Christ

[cops knock on my door] "Sir?" "Nobody's home." "Who said that then?" "My dog." "Jesus Christ, well do u know when Mr Hughes will be back?"

Jesus Christ. They stole your tweet. Not your first born son.

Is there anyone besides Jesus Christ who has the privilege of having his name double as a swear?

Jesus Christ! I forgot to buy dog food last night and now my dogs are playing a Sarah McLachlan album and googling humane society.

The Catholic Church is selling bath bombs! *puts Jesus Christ limited edition bath bomb into water* *water turns into wine* Thank u Jesus

Do you accept Jesus Christ as your lord and saviour? No, sorry we only accept Visa or MasterCard.

7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?" Me "Yes" 7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"

*logs on* jesus christ *logs off*

"A car I've never seen before just parked outside. We're gonna die CAN YOU HEAR ME Jesus Christ you're not listening to me I said..." - Dogs

A Jewish joke my Jewish grandfather sent me. One day at kindergarten the teacher said she would give anyone 10 dollars if they could tell her who the most famous man who ever lived. A little Irish boy said, ""It was St. Patrick!"" The teacher replied, ""I'm sorry Sean, but no."" A young Scottish boy said, ""It was St. Andrew!"" The teacher replied, ""Sorry Hamish, but that is not correct."" Finally, a young Jewish boy named Marvin raised his hand and said, ""It was Jesus Christ."" The teacher re…

Honk if you love Jesus Got a letter from Grandma the other day. She writes... The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a ""Honk if you love Jesus"" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience that followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just…

Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church... ... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, ""Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin."" Mrs. Smith acknowledged his instructions and sat down with her husband for the service. Shortly into the sermon, Mr. Smith ha…