#jesus-christ

Part of rebuilding New Orleans causes residents to often be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client; You've got to love this lawyer...... A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client.…

Power of Verse An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, ""Stop! Acts 2:38!""(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven...) The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar,""Why…

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said ""Do you men know Jesus Christ?"" They shook their heads and looked at each other. One of the workers lo…

A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said ""He was born in a manger."" Bobby said ""He threw the money changers out of the temple."" Little Johnny said ""He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."" Curious the teacher asked ""And where did you learn that Johnny?"" ""From my Daddy"" said Johnny. ""Yesterday we were …

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping ""Tell me Mary who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir little Johnny an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary and the teacher said ""Very good"" and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary ""Who is our Lord and Savior"" but Mary didn't even sti…

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping ""Tell me Mary who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir little Johnny an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary and the teacher said ""Very good"" and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary ""Who is our Lord and Savior"" but Mary didn't even sti…

eer booze and fun!' 'A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says ''I'm Jesus Christ.'' The first priest says ''No son I'm Jesus Christ.'' So the drunk says it to the second priest. The second priest replies ''No son I'm Jesus Christ.'' The drunk says ''Look I can prove it.'' and walks back into the bar with the priests. The bartender takes on look at the drunk and exclaims ''Jesus Christ you're here again?''

When Abraham Liebowitz gets to school he discovers that he is the only Jewish kid in the class. But it's a decent town and nobody really bothers him. One day the teacher asks the class ""Who was the greatest person who ever lived? and why?"" And to make it interesting she held a twenty dollar bill in the air and said ""whoever gives the best answer will get this twenty dollars"". All of the kids called out their guesses. One said ""George Washington - because he was the father of our countr…

One my Dad used to tell, not sure if it's well known. A local bum, for the laugh, wanders into a catholic church during mass one day, shouting "I'm Jesus Christ! I'm Jesus Christ!" The priest tells the altar boys to give him a fiver, get rid of him. The bum thinks 'this is fantastic, off to the church of Ireland next!' Once again, he staggers in, slurring "I'm Jesus Christ, I'm Jesus Christ! Son of god!" He gets another fiver from the reverend and off he goes. Tipping into the local synagogu…

Three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger... One of the wise men was exceptionally tall and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ" he exclaimed. Joseph said: "Write that down, Mary. It's better than Wayne."

So aliens from Mars comes down to Earth... ...And they're friendly! The leaders of the world and the aliens plan a huge televised event where the leaders can ask questions on whatever they want. During this event, the pope is up to talk to the aliens. "I know this question may sound odd to you gentlemen," the pope starts to ask, "but I was wondering if you and your kind knew about Jesus Christ?" "Jesus Christ?!?" the alien leader exclaims, "how do we not! He swings by our planet every two ye…

Rich Man and the Ranch A rich man owns a multi-million dollar ranch in Puerto Rico. One day, his ranch supervisor, Paco, calls him on the phone. "Yes, Paco, what is it?" says the Rich Man. "Well, Señor, I have some bad news. Your prize thoroughbred, he has died." "My thoroughbred? I was going to make millions off that horse! I'd retired him to stud! How did he die?" "He died from exhaustion, Señor," Paco sheepishly replied. "Exhaustion?" screamed the Rich Man, "he was retired! How did he ge…

The Most Famous Man Who Ever Lived One day at primary school, the teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll give 50 cents to the child who can tell me who was the most famous man who ever lived." An Irish lad put his hand up and said, "It's Bono!" The teacher said, "Sorry, Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put up his hand and said, "It's Sean Connery!" The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Harry, that's not right either." Finally, a little Jewish girl raised her hand and said…

A blind man walks into a bar... A blind man walks into a bar with a guide dog and, without saying a word, yanks the dogs leash and starts swinging the dog over his head in a big circle like a lasso. The bartender screamed, "Jesus Christ, what the hell are you doing!?" The blind man replied, "Oh, just having a look around."

A woman visits her hypnotherapist A weeping woman visits her hypnotherapist and laments, "Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and slept with another man... The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened!" To which the hypnotherapist replies, "Jesus Christ, not again!"

Priest DUI So a priest is driving along, swerving a bit and gets pulled over, the officer asks him 'have you had anything to drink tonight father' to which the priest replies 'only water' the officer then points out a empty bottle of wine in the passenger seat, the priest then shouts 'Jesus Christ! He's done it again!'

Little Johnny fell asleep in Sunday school... The teacher asked, "Johnny, who is our Lord and savior?" The boy behind him poked him in the back with a pin. Johnny shot upright and shouted, "Jesus Christ!" "Correct," said the teacher. Johnny then fell back asleep. The teacher called on him again, "Johnny, who was Jesus's mother?" Again, the boy behind Johnny poked him. Johnny woke up again and exclaimed, "Mary mother of God!" "Correct," said the teacher once more. Johnny fell back asleep. The t…

What do the Dallas Cowboys and the Rev. Billie Graham have in common? Both can make 70,000 people stand up and shout "JESUS CHRIST!"

A company that sells nails decides to start advertising their product... Their CEO goes to an ad agency to inquire about creating a large billboard downtown. He meets with an account executive and explains his need: "We have a good business, but I just feel like most people have never heard of us. They just go down to one of these big box stores and buy whatever brand of nails they happen to have. I want people to know that "Western Nail Company" is the best brand out there, so I need a bill…

Where is Jesus today? A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, **"Where is Jesus today?"** Steven raises his hand and says, *"He's in Heaven."* Mary answers, *"He's in my heart."* Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, **"He's in our bathroom!"** The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. **"Well,"** Little Johnny says, **"every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom d…

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the followi…

Martians arrive on earth... They're peaceful and happy and everyone loves them. Obviously humanity has tons of questions they'd like to ask them so the U.N. decides to arrange a conference. All the world leaders, public intellectuals and religious heads are in attendance to ask their most burning questions. Finally it is the pope's turn to ask a question... "I was wondering...have you ever heard of our lord and savior Jesus Christ" the pope asks. "Jesus? Yes of course! He stops by our plan…

Jehovah's Witness Sunday morning the weather was too bad to play golf. I was wondering around with nothing to do when i heard the door bell ring. I opened it to see a well dressed man standing there who said, "I'm a Jehovah's Witness, do you have a moment for Jesus Christ?" With nothing else going on I said, "Come in and sit down." We sat down, I offered him a cup of coffee and asked, "What would you like to talk about?" The young man replied, "Beats the shit out of me, I've never gotten thi…

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty! " shouted Lucy and the teacher said, "Very good," and Lucy fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Lucy, "Who is our Lord …

A drunk man runs into a Priest A drunk man stumbles out a bar and walks straight into a Preist. The man sees his chance and says "Look Father! I'm Jesus Christ!" The Preist tells him he isn't but the man is adament to show the Priest, so he takes the Preist im and walks upvto the bar. The bartender says "Jesus Christ, what do you want now?"