#lucy

Lucy plans elaborate jewel heist. Lucy dons cat burglar suit to conceal identity. Lucy pulls off heist. Lucy in disguise with diamonds.

Lucy in the Sky with Some Splainin' to Do.

Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments "Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"

*ex GF pulls up to drive thru where I work* "Big mac please" "Would u like LIES with that?!" *my boss dragging me away* "LIES, LUCY.. LIES!"

*strums ukulele* This one goes out to my ex wife, Lucy. It's called "I know how much you hate ukuleles so I wrote a 9 minute ukulele song"

People only want to do drugs named after women: Mary Jane, Molly, Lucy (in the Sky with Diamonds). No one wants to snort some Craig.

Charlie Brown decided to wear transparent pants one day... ...and when Lucy saw him she said ""I always thought you were a blockhead, Charlie Brown, but now I can plainly see your nuts.""

One Day, All the Children in Ms. Jennifer's Class Were Learning About Politics Ms. Jennifer began the lesson, ""We'll start with the liberal party. Liberals believe in equality for all and that everything should be fair."" Now, this sounded pretty grand to all the first graders, so when Ms. Jennifer asked, ""Which of you are Liberals like me?"" The result was nearly unanimous! After all, the teacher must be right, right? That was what the entire class thought, anyhow. The entire class, except li…

A woman bought a bra, then returned it to the store a few days later. The manager wanted to resell the expensive brazier, but was unsure if the customer had actually worn it or not. So he asked another employee to help figure it out. The manager said, ""Hey Lucy, you work in the fabric and clothing department. Any idea if this bra has been worn?"" Lucy carefully inspects the brazier. and says, ""Hmm..."" Then she sniffs it and says, ""Hmm..."" ""Well?"" Asks the manager. ""I thought you were sup…

So if Lucy died 3.2 million years ago after falling from a tree... ...does that qualify her for a Darwin award?

TIFU by mixing up my wives subway orders. I gave Lucy's to Rosa, and Rosa's to Lucy.

Liberal Democrat A first grade teacher explained to her class that she is a liberal Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are liberal Democrats too. Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like fleshy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. ""Because I'm not a liberal Democrat."" ""…

A young girl... There once was a little girl named Lucy who loved to read, particularly fairy tales. Her mother was sweet and her father was a clown (literally). For a long time, the little girl would read these books of hers, and eventually came to the conclusion that trolls were her favorite creature of them all. She sometimes was bullied for loving trolls so much, but Lucy didn't care, as long as she had her tales. Flash forward a few years to Lucy's first year of middle school, where she tak…

A LESSON IN MORALS One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story. Little Suzy raises her hand. ""My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."" When t…

A horrible Charlie Brown joke Charlie Brown and the rest of the Peanuts are doing a project for school that requires them to select the name of a country out of a hat. Lucy goes first and gets the United States. Linus goes up and picks Japan. Finally, after everybody else has selected their country, Charlie Brown is the only one left. He nervously steps up to the hat, picks a name out of it, and groans. Upon sitting back at his seat, Linus asks him what's wrong. Charlie Brown sighs and simply sa…

The Pig Head!! So one day lucy wakes up and her husband (jake) tells her that he wants a good lunch keep in mind this is 9 am in the morning.So lucy says yes of course jake (husband).After breakfast she goes to the market where she starts to prep for lunch.She grabs some soda some garlic,carrot,green peppers etc..After that she heads to the butcher and ask if he can give her the biggest pig head he had so he goes and gets the biggest one he could find.Lucy then says are you sure this is the bigg…

What do you call a woman with six kids? Lucy

Only at the sauna. (translated from Russian.) after the marriage Lucy asks her new husband: Lucy: Darling now that we are married, Will you start drinking again? James: Don't worry my love, I promise I will only drink on special occasions and at the sauna. Lucy: Oh my, im so relived to hear that. James: By the way darling what holiday is today? Lucy: I don't thing there is a one today, Why do you ask? James: No reason. Well then, If you need me! Ill be at the Sauna.

The Purple Butterflies Timmy was on his way to school one bright summer day and had a giant smile on his face. His parents watched from the doorway, waving, and smiling as there son disappeared into this distance. On his way he meets up with his friends and they all begin talking. He looks over and sees a purple butterfly flying around for a moment, before disappearing behind some bushes. The bell rings and he runs inside. ""How are you Timmy?"" Lucy asks him. ""Good,"" he grins. ""Have you ever…

A husband tells his wife about the car crash he got into... Husband: Hey, I got in a car crash today. I got hurt real bad, I broke my arm and fractured my wrist. I also sprained my ankle and the car nearly exploded! Luckily Lucy pulled me out of the car just before it exploded. I spent a couple days in hospital but I'm fine now. Wife: Who's Lucy?

Lucy fell in front of the train she screamed out for help ""HELP ME! I DONT WANT TO DIE THIS WAY!!"", so Luke came running over and cut her throat instead. Nice work Luke. You should be more like Luke.

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?"" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty! "" shouted Lucy and the teacher said, ""Very good,"" and Lucy fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Lucy, ""Who is our …

What happens when Lucy starts using 100% of her brain? She's almost as smart as a man.

First time posting here. I always found this f$%#ed up, but hilarious. Q: Why did Lucy fall off the monkey bars? A: She's got no arms Me: Knock Knock Them: Whose there? Me: Not Lucy.

If there's Jenny and Lucy, could there be Jenni and Luci? Then wouldn't that make them Jennifer and Lucifer?