#jennifer

Facebook: "Do you want to tag Jennifer in this Picture?" Me: Hmmmm. does it make her look fat? Then yes, yes I do.

Mean while, back on Facebook, Jennifer is blaming the birth of her son for her being fat. Her son is 6 ....

I hate when people think my real name is Jennifer, because it's not, it's Jennitalia.

[third date] Her: please quit calling me Jenny Me: oh my apologies Jennifer Her: my name is Amanda

Wait, I forget, what's the national pastime? Is it baseball or worrying about Jennifer Aniston's happiness?

Actually Jennifer, diamonds are a girls best friend, so technically I slept with your second best friend

There should be a terrible show about a woman, her mom, and her daughter, all 3 named Jennifer, called "Jenerations" on Lifetime or the CW.

Teacher persuasion, failed. The children had all been photographed for their high school picture, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say,"" There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or ""That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ""And there's the teacher. She's dead.""

The Wedding Dress The wedding day was fast approaching. Everything was ready, and nothing could dampen Jennifer's excitement, not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother, Sheila, had found the perfect dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn her father's new young wife, Barb, had purchased the exact same dress! She asked Barb to exchange the dress, but Barb refused. ""Absolutely not! I'm wearing this dress. I look lik…

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, ' Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.' St. Peter says, ' Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.' St. Peter asks the next girl the same question 'Jennifer, have you ever had any cont…

Mom , today my teacher punished me for something I didn't do. Once upon a time there lived a girl called Jennifer. One day when she came home from school she went straight to her Mom and said "" Mom , today my teacher punished me for something I didn't do. The mother was very angry and went straight to her teacher and scolded her , but she didn't ask Jennifer what she didn't do. When she came home she said ""I scolded your your teacher nicely for just scolding you "" then she asked ""by the way …

Sorry Wrong Number! It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. ""Hello?"" A girl's voice came over the line. ""Can I speak to Ben, please?"" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. ""I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"" ""Do you know what time he'll be back?"" she responded. ""I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."" Silence on the other end... a confused …

My favorite joke to tell when i am out at the bars Okay, so this true story. In high school I had a friend named Simon. He wasn't popular or particularly good looking. In fact he was a little socially awkward. He was on the chess team, ate lunch in the hallways while playing card games (magic the gathering & games like that), and had a roller backpack. Now Simon had an enormous crush on this girl named Jennifer. He had spent four years (both seniors) staring at her and not once had enough co…

Where is Jennifer's husband? Jennifer is 21 years older than her son Douglas. 6 years from now, Jennifer will be 5 times as old as Douglas. Question: Where is Jennifer's husband? ---------------------------------------------------------- Solution: J=D+21 J+6=5(D+6) According to my math, Douglas has 3/4 years, which means -9 months. Pregnancy lasts for nine months, so Jennifer's husband is in the bed with her right now. Sauce: http://puzzling.stackexchange.com/questions/10542/where-is-jennifers-h…

Johnny in school At school, the children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at the picture when you're all grown up and can say, 'There's Jennifer... she's a lawyer,' or 'There's Michael... he's a doctor' or..."" Suddenly, Little Johnny spoke out ""And there's the teacher... she's dead."" *edit: formatting

Why did Jennifer cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing her seat belt

The Devout Catholic Woman Jennifer, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Jennifer also passed away. At Jennifer's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, ""At last, they're finally together."" Her sister sitting in the front row said, ""Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or her second husband?"" The priest replied, ""I mean her legs.""

Little Jimmy at the Pool Jennifer the lifeguard tells Jimmy to stop peeing in the pool. Little 6 year old Jimmy replies that everbody pees in the pool. Jennifer says that yes people do, but not from the diving board...

If there's Jenny and Lucy, could there be Jenni and Luci? Then wouldn't that make them Jennifer and Lucifer?

A train hits a bus full of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "" Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, ""Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."" St. Peter says, "" Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."" St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, ""Jennifer, have you ever had any c…

Technology has ruined our kids A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. ""Davy, what noise does a cow make? "" ""It goes moo. "" ""Alice, what noise does a cat make? "" ""It goes meow. "" ""Jamie, what sound does a lamb make? "" ""It goes baaa. "" ""Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make? "" ""Errr.., it goes.. click! ""

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.'"" A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ""And there's the teacher; ...she's dead.""

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new, young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother! Jennifer asked her father's new young wife to exchange it, but she refused. ''Absolutely not! I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wear…

It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. ""Hello?"" A girl's voice came over the line. ""Can I speak to Ben, please?"" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. ""I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"" ""Do you know what time he'll be back?"" she responded. ""I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."" Silence on the other end... a confused silence. ""Is this S…

The children had all been photographed and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say 'There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer' or 'That's Michael he's a doctor.'"" A small voice from the back of the room rang out ""And there's the teacher; she's still old nasty and wrinkled""