#jessica

Apple bottom jeans... Boots with the fur... That's all you packed, Jessica? This is a camping trip. This is why we don't work as a couple.

*brushes teeth for seventeen hours straight before dentist appointment* "Jessica, there is an entire Oreo behind your second molar."

"Jessica wasn't usually dead. So when we found her dead we immediately knew something was wrong." -Investigation Discovery

Catholic School Girls A bus full of Catholic School Girls go off the side of a cliff and everyone dies. As they all line up before the Pearly Gates St. Peter approaches them and says, ""Girls, you all may enter Heaven. First, however, if you have ever touched male genitalia you must dip whatever part of your body touched it into the Holy Water."" The first two girls go and just dip their hands. Suddenly a commotion begins at the back of the line. As a girls runs up to the front of the line St. P…

Society is so PC nowadays, you can't even say ""Ho ho ho"" You have to say ""Jessica, Patricia, and Michaela""

Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the strip club. Teen: Of course not dad! Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, ' Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.' St. Peter says, ' Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.' St. Peter asks the next girl the same question 'Jennifer, have you ever had any cont…

Two biologists have twins. They named one Jessica, and named the other Control.

Oh Jessica... A fatal stabbing left a man bleeding to death just outside of an apartment complex, alone. As he started to lose consciousness, the man began writing the name of his killer, Jeffrey, his next door neighbor. The name was left incomplete, as he'd succumbed just after almost finishing the first ""F"". Jeff's wife Angie stumbled upon the scene. She was horrified, but knew she had to cover up his crime for their children's sake. She quickly thought to write the name of the floozy girl w…

If Jessica own 400 melons and Jimmy steal 50 of them, how many would be left? About tree fiddy.

eer booze and fun!' 'John & Jessica were on their way home from the bar one night and John got pulled over by the police. The officer told John that he was stopped because his tail light was burned out. John said ""I'm very sorry officer I didn't realize it was out I'll get it fixed right away."" Just then Jessica said ""I knew this would happen when I told you two days ago to get that light fixed."" So the officer asked for John's license and after looking at it said ""Sir your license has exp…

A boy sits in class watching the clock when the teacher stands up in front of the class And tells the class since there isn't much time before the end of class and it was Friday she will play a game with them. She explains the rules. Teacher: Guess which president said the quote and you can leave early. The boy is excited this is his favorite subject and he knows he is going home early today. Teacher: "Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country." The boy r…

A husband and wife are out to dinner When all of sudden a very attractive young lady comes up and kisses the husband on the cheek, winks, and walks away. Naturally, the wife is less than pleased about this "Who was that?" She asks "That's Jessica, my mistress" he replies As you can imagine, the wife is not happy to hear this, even less so about how upfront he's being about it. "You pig", she says "You don't even have the decency to try and hide it. I'll be filling for divorce as soon as I…

I hate when people talk about their kids age in weeks and months. "Jessica said her first word at 36 weeks!" You mean 9 months. "Ken is 24 months!" Deborah, he's 2. "My baby is -26 weeks old!" No, Karen, you miscarried.

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls... and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any…

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child, and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten. "It's 'Love.'" said the mother. "All I can think when I gaze on this precious child is 'Love.' That needs to be her name." The father was not on board. "We can't n…

A biologist gives birth ........... A biologist gives birth to a set of twins. She names one Jessica and the other Control.

What's the difference between a slut and a good girlfriend? Good Girlfreinds dont sleep around JESSICA !

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: ""What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"" Jessica responds: ""That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"

Two biologists have twins. They named one Jessica

I hate when people talk about their kids age in weeks and months. ""Jessica said her first word at 36 weeks!"

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: ""What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"" Jessica responds: ""That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"" So the teacher asks little Johnny

Jessica fell out of a tree and broke both her arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Jessica

Where did Jessica go after the explosion? Everywhere

Jenna, Jessica and ariana die. They all go to heaven and GOD says, "You can do whatever you want, just don't step on a pink cloud". The first day, Jenna goes out and comes back with a ugly guy. Jessica and Ariana ask, "what happen?".Jenna says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The next day, Jessica goes out, she comes back with a ugly guy.Jenna and Ariana ask, "what happen?". Jessica says, "I stepped on a pink cloud". The following day Araina goes out and comes back with a HOTT guy, blue eyes, thin …