#first-girl

The Late Great Minnie Pearl... In the early nineteen hundreds many a young country girl moved to the big cities to seek gainful employment. These delicate country flowers would often room in polite boarding houses. Five young lasses who were all living in the same house all had dates on the same evening. Like most girls they were curious about the others romances, however it was considered impolite to ask about such personal subjects as kissing. So on the afternoon of the dates the girls made an…

3 girls were being exucuted.... ...The first girl was getting ready to be shot. The guard yelled,""Ready aim-""The girl yelled,"" Tornado! Tornado!!"" The guard turned around she escaped. The second girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,""Ready aim-"" She yelled,""Huirricane!! Hurricane!!"" The guard turned around she was gone. The 3rd girl was being exucuted the guard yelled,""Ready aim-"" The girl yelled,""Fire!!Fire!""...

Girls night out Two young married women were having a girls night out on the town. Walking home from the bar they both realized they needed to pee. They saw a cemetary across the street and decided to go behind the headstones. Having nothing to wipe with, the first girl takes off her panties, wipes, then tosses them. The second girl doesn't want to toss her expensive panties so she grabs a card out of some flowers and uses that. Giggling, they continue home. The next morning the husband of the f…

The 3 brothers named Leroy!!! Lol 3 girls met 3 brothers all named Leroy, they couldn't beside how to tell them apart so they came up with nicknames for each of them. They choose to name each Leroy after their favorite soda. The first girl came up with 7-up The otha two sisters asked y 7-up? Her reply bc he has 7inches and its all ways up.... The second sister choose mountain dew The otha to sisters replied y mnt dew? Her reply bc when i mount he dews... The third sister said lollipop....she sis…

A man is sick and tired of his marriage... so he decides to have his wife killed. He goes into a bar in a shady bit of town and asks the barman ""Know anyone who can get someone... you know... *sorted out* for me?"" The barman directs him to Arthur, sitting in a corner on his own. The man goes over and asks if he's Arthur, who replies ""Call me Arty"" ""I need you to get rid of my wife"" ""Ok, tell me where and when"" ""She'll be at Walmart, at about 4 pm tomorrow, wearing jeans, a green t shirt…

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, ' Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, 'Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.' St. Peter says, ' Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.' St. Peter asks the next girl the same question 'Jennifer, have you ever had any cont…

Dating brass players A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, ""Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"" ""Nah"", the first girl replied. ""That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."" The next night she went out with a tuba player, and on her return the roommate asked the same question. ""Ugh!"", the girl exclaimed, ""Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh it was just gross!"". The nex…

Three girls meet on the first day of school. They ask each other what their names are. The first girl says in a sweet voice ""My parents named me rose, because when my mummy was pregnant, a petal from a rose drifted down and landed on her tummy."" The second girl says softly ""My parents called me violet, because when my mummy was pregnant, the petal from a violet floated down on to her tummy."" Then they both turn to the third girl who screams ""MY NAMES BRICK!""

3 daughter's and their mother are sitting at a table. The first girl goes up to her mom and says ""Mommy why is my name Rosie?"" and the mom replies ""Because we sprinkled roses on your head when you were a baby"" Then the second girl goes up to her mom and says ""Mommy why is my name lily?"" and the mom replies ""Because we sprinkled lilies on your head when you were a baby ""AHGAGDVBEVSBEBFHSIWKNFOWOJFBCODHEGF"" ""Shut up brick""

There once were three girls who were ugly. So they decided to do something about it. They went to a plastic surgeon first to see what their options were. ""It's hopeless, "" he said,"" You guys are too ugly."" ""We're girls, "" they said. ""But...there is a way. There's a magic lake that can change your appearance to whomever or whatever you want to look like. All you have to do is jump and shout the name off of the bridge. But be careful because it only works once"" So the girls went to the bri…

[Election 2016] A pretty girl, Santa Clause, and the most popular kid from your high school walk into a bar. They all offer you a drink and their friendship. Who do you choose? You first choose the pretty girl. You find out you have a lot in common, shes just like your last best friend, and as a bonus, you can cross the first girl to have ever bought you a drink off you list!. But then you realize something: She put the drink on your tab, and shes got BAGGAGE! You find out she's in a shitty marr…

who is better boy or girl Girl: ""Girls are better than boys."" Boy: ""Then why did God make boys first?"" Girl: ""Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy.""

Modern Pedophiles A pedophile sits in his van outside a middle school, to try and get 'lucky' with some of the girls just getting out of class. The first girl walks across the streets from school and he says, ""Hey honey, could you come here, I need directions."" She responds she doesn't talk to strangers and keeps walking. The second girl walks across the streets from school and he says, ""Hey honey, could you come here, I'm trying to find the nearest grocery store."" She responds she isn't com…

Dirty Blonde Joke Heaven! There are 100 steps to heaven, the first girl goes up, and gets to the 30th step, the next women goes to the and gets to the 67 step, then the dirty blond goes and gets to the 99th step and loses there, the other girls say why didn't you go to the 100th step, she said ""because I just understanded the first joke""

Great Russian joke Beware - there's a new scam perpetrated by young women. When you walk out of a supermarket two beautiful women ask you to give them a lift. One gets into the front passenger seat and starts giving you a blow job. While the first girl is blowing you, the one on the back eats your groceries.

A man walks up to a movie theater with a chicken on his shoulder. The woman in the ticket booth says, ""I'm sorry sir, but you can't take your pets into the theater,"" so the man walks away, makes sure nobody is looking, and quickly stuffs the chicken in his pants. He returns to the ticket booth, and she lets him in. During the film, the chicken starts to discomfit the man in is pants. He unzips them and lets the chicken out. There are two ladies sitting near him, and one of them whispers excite…

One I heard at a restaurant ""Am I the first girl you ever kissed?"" She whispered softly to her date. ""It's possible"" he admitted, ""Were you at Lake Geneva in 2004?""

Shore Leave Late one night, an internist receives a call from an unknown number. Remembering his oath, he answers and finds an old raspy woman on the line, the Madame of the local bordello, who begs him to help. Down at the wharf he finds the Madame completely confused and scared pointing at her girls who are all visibly ill. Examining the first girl he finds her dizzy and nauseous, but none the worse for wear. The second is similar, though she seemed a bit dehydrated. A third however was extrem…

Two Girls, One Night. First Girl : Yesterday, my boyfriend and I went for a date. I knew last night was the big night. Second Girl : Really? Wow, what happened next? First Girl : He took me to his apartment. He kissed me gently and groped me from behind. Second Girl : Wowww... then? First Girl : Then he put his hand inside my skirt and caressed me down there. Second Girl : You are so lucky, what happened next? First Girl : Then he unbuttoned the top button of my new red top I got from Pantaloons…

Blowing bubbles Three people get arrested and are taken into holding for questioning. The officer talks to the first girl, asking, ""What's your name?"" She says, ""Yo."" The officer asks, ""What are you in for?"" She responds with, ""Blowing bubbles."" The officer takes her picture and lets her go. He asks the second girl, ""What's your name?"" She responds with, ""Yo Yo."" The officer asks, ""What are you in for?"" She responds with, ""Blowing bubbles."" The officer takes her picture and lets …

A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger drive into the desert. Their car breaks down and the three decide to try and hike out of the desert together. However, they quickly get into an argument over who was more prepared for the situation. ""I was WAY more prepared than you!"" The ginger yells. ""I have all I need to stay rested and ready to go!"" Grabbing her backpack, she storms off into the distance. ""Oh yeah?"" Yells the brunette, ""I'm TONS more prepared than YOU! You can be as rested as you wan…

A catholic schoolgirl goes to church for confession... When she gets to the church, she notices that the confessional is occupied, so she sits down in a nearby pew. A short time later, the confessional door opens, and her best friend exits. The friend sits next to the girl, who asks her, ""So... what did you confess to?"" ""I told Father Murphy I gave my boyfriend a handjob in the back seat of the car. He told me to say ten Hail Marys and wash my hands in the font of holy water."" The first girl…

A train hits a bus full of Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "" Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, ""Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger."" St. Peter says, "" Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate."" St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, ""Jennifer, have you ever had any c…

An all girls school, school bus flips over and kills all the girls. When arriving at heaven's gates... they are asked to get into a line. Jesus stands at the front and asks the first girl if she had ever done something with a boy's privates. She responds ""yes, I've touched one before."" Jesus answers, ""Ok please put your finger into the holy water and then enter heaven."" So the girl dips her finger in the holy water and proceeds to enter into heaven. Jesus then asks the next girl the same que…

Not sure if reposting but I thought this was funny. So there are three girls in line for cucumbers. The first girl gets to the front of the line and says "" I want a long and skinny cucumber"". The second girl came up and said "" I want a short and fat cucumber"". The last girl came up and said "" I just want a cucumber that's good for making a salad.""