#first-girl

three daughters There was this dad that was an owner of a morgue that had three daughters. The dad went and picked up this guy from a heart attack. The dad told the three girls that they needed to fix and prep him for tomorrow. Well the first girl got a look at him and said he was a really charming looking guy. She pulled back his sheet and noticed he had a hard on. She thought to herself the only way to get this down was to ""ride"" him. So without hesitation she jumped on and rode him for thir…

To a Medicine Final, there were 10 girls and one boy.. The first girl goes in and she is asked ""what grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"" so she starts giggling ""hihihihi"". The proffessor says ""get out. you have failed"". The next 9 girls come in. the same question, the same answer. They were all failed. Then comes the boy. Same question. He answers ""the pupil, Sir"". ""Correct answer, boy. Now go outside and tell those damn bitches that ""hihihihi"" only grows up to 5 times !""

First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that's vanity? Second girl: No it's imagination.

What does a true Scot keep under his kilt? A Scotsman is at a festival, and he comes dressed in his best kilt (worn properly, of course). As the festival proceeds, the Scot starts to get very drunk, and so he sits under a tree with his beer mug and falls asleep. A couple of "pretty lasses" walk by and see the Scot passed out under the tree. "What *DO* you think he has under his kilt?" one of them asks the other. "I don't know!" she says. "Do you think maybe we should have ourselves a look?" T…

Priest is about to give confession...has to make an emergency trip to the bathroom... He opens the back door and looks for anyone to help him as the line up is getting long. All he finds is the custodian. He signals to him and asks to cover for him. The custodian says he has no idea what to do. "That's easy. Just listen to the confession, look on the wall inside the confessional, there is a piece of paper with each sin and its punishment written down." Easy enough, the custodian thinks…

Three girls are vacationing in Romania when they come across a gypsy The gypsy says, "I'll bet you 20 leu each that I can guess which country you're visiting from just by looking at you." The girls think there's no way this hack gypsy can tell where they're from just by looking, so they take the bet. The gypsy scans them for a few seconds and says, "you're all American." The first girl says, "damn, it was probably because of our accents!" The second girl says, "damn, it was probably because …

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls... and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, " Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says, " Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer, have you ever had any…

3 blondes are walking in the woods. 3 blonde girls are walking in the woods when they stumble across a set of tracks, the first girl having went to a zoo last week claims that the tracks are deer tracks, the second blonde laughs, "Caitlyn you dumb bitch those are bear tracks!" The third blonde chimes in, "Oh my god no you're both wrong those are rabbit tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

A mother is sitting with her three children... 2 girls and a boy. The first girl turns to her mother

Catholic girls A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls... and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl

A bus full of catholic school girls gets in a horrible accident. Sadly all on the bus perished and are waiting in line at the pearly gates. St Peter approaches the first girl in line.

Three girls are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are The first girl says ""I'm so loose my boyfriend can get three fingers inside of me"". The second girl says ""I'm so loose MY boyfriend can get his whole fist in me."" The third girl just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

Three engineers boarded a crowded bus and somehow managed to work their way to the middle of the vehicle where they found three girls willing to exchange their seats for a place on the guys' laps. After travelling like that for several minutes, the first girl asked the man on whose lap she was perched: "Are you by any chance an electrical engineer?" "Yes, I am," he replied, surprised. "How did you know?" "Easy," she said cheekily. "I'm getting shocked by your soldering iron." A few minutes later…

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?" "Nah" the first girl replied, "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all." The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?" "Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed, "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!" The next night she…

There is this guy and he wants to marry a girl but he is bad at choosing girls so he has a contest. First one to get as many ping pong balls as they can is my wife. The first girl brings back a whole bucket of them. the guy goes good, good. The 2 girl brings back a truck load of ping pong balls. He says, "Wow that will be hard to beat." Then the 3 girl comes back all bloody and bruised and is holding 2 big bloody things. The guy says, "What are those, I said ping pong balls." "Oh,"Says the 3 gir…

Male translations: "IT'S A GUY THING" "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" "I have no idea how it works." "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." "Are you…