What does a true Scot keep under his kilt? A Scotsman is at a festival, and he comes dressed in his best kilt (worn properly, of course). As the festival proceeds, the Scot starts to get very drunk, and so he sits under a tree with his beer mug and falls asleep. A couple of "pretty lasses" walk by and see the Scot passed out under the tree. "What *DO* you think he has under his kilt?" one of them asks the other. "I don't know!" she says. "Do you think maybe we should have ourselves a look?" The lassies observe that the Scot is completely unconscious. They decide to hazard a glance, so they lift up the man's kilt and have a glance. The ladies are quite pleased with what they see. "We ought to leave him a little something as token of our appreciation," the first girl says. The second agrees, and untying one of the blue ribbons from her braids, decorates his member with a bow. Several hours later the man wakes up, and he shambles to the bathroom for a piss. Lifting the front of his kilt he says, "Ach! Wee lad, I don't know where you've been, but it seems you've won a prize!"