# fridge

dont put all your eggs in one basket, put them in the little egg tray in the fridge thats what its for you idiot

Him: I'm heading to the gym Me: I'm heading to the fridge

"Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.

[kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED

#Brent #Fridge #Marriage #Technology+1 more

My tall sister took the vodka out of the cupboards above the fridge. I always thought those doors were just there for decoration.

Girl just asked me to talk dirty so I described the space behind my fridge.

#Turkey #Fridge #One-Liner

I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice

There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note "Don't eat me".Now there's an empty plate and a note "Don't tell me what to do"

I'm skipping the gym today because I already have a six pack... waiting for me in the fridge at home.

what if all your eggs hatched and when u opened the fridge a dozen baby chicks were staring up at u like u were their mom

#Fridge #Kids #Parents

Thursday is "date night", when I force my family to eat all the expired food in our fridge.

#Fridge #Food #One-Liner

Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.

Don't forget to wish that one bottle of salad dressing in your fridge a happy 2nd birthday!

I can't stand this long distance relationship anymore. Fridge, you're coming to my room.

Sometimes I see a baby and think "Aww, I want one!" Then I find my TV remote in the fridge again and think "Yeah, maybe I'm not ready."

#Fridge #Kids

update: the light went out in my fridge so i had to eat everything so it wouldn't get scared

We have a ghost. Came home and found the fridge magnets rearranged: "I see dreadful people."

[after robots take over] *drones crash into my kitchen* ME: [mouthful of ham] whobithrayed me? *fridge starts laughing* BUT U WERE MY FABRIT

#Fridge #Food

If I had the power to time travel, I would mostly just use it to stop past me from eating stuff from the fridge that I'd like to eat now.

Girl, are you a jar in my parents' fridge? Because I have absolutely no way of knowing how old you are.

imagine if your fridge did what you do everyday,every half hour goes to your room opens the door and stares at you for 5minutes then leaves

It's a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.

#Fridge #Bar #One-Liner

#Fridge #Animals #One-Liner

My mind's telling me "No!" But my body, my body's telling me "There's that chicken salad in the fridge."