#fridge

One day, the fridge will take revenge on me, every half hour opening the door to my room, staring at me for a few minutes & then walk away.

*Buys Samsung smart fridge. Opens app every 15 minutes to see if there's anything good in there*

If someone steals my lunch from the fridge at work, I get on the office PA system and do the Liam Neeson speech from Taken.

Current anger level: I am last-beer-in-the-fridge-turns-out-to-be-a-soy-sauce-bottle angry.

You can catch a decent buzz from smoking catnip but don't be surprised if you wake up on top of the fridge.

I don't remember all of last night but the fact I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome!

Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what's in the bed and go to the fridge.

Forgot to put the salmon in the fridge after dinner so tomorrow for lunch, I'll have the salmon and the shits.

*wife leaves message on fridge w/ magnets* WE ARET HROUGH maybe it's an anagram *rearranges* ROUGH WEATHER whoa better pack an umbrella

Every time I clean out my fridge, I get pissed off about the stuff I forgot to eat.

My fridge is so empty, I just saw a fly in my kitchen wearing a pastry apron, kneading dough and mumbling "He doesn't even buy bread."

You're so empty inside....nnn....stupid fridge.

If you want to know how Irish my family is, my parents don't have a liquor cabinet, they have a liquor closet Right next to the beer fridge

The 3yo insisted on helping me put all the laundry away. It's only taken us 6 hours & 10 minutes & apparently pants go in the fridge now.

What an adorable idea. My coworkers have been writing names on food in the office fridge. I am currently eating a yogurt called Debbie.

Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.

Now that I have an adult coloring book, most arguments with my 3 yr old are over fridge space.

A sadist doctor keeps his stethoscope in a fridge

They always say to follow your gut, that's why this is my 11th trip to the fridge for another beer.

I'm watching Olympic athletes run 1500m, while trying to figure out how I can make the Roomba drive 3m to the beer fridge for me.

Just bought a set of alphabet magnets for my fridge, so this may very well be my last tweet.

*Buys world map* *Pins map to wall* *Promises to visit wherever dart lands* *Throws dart at fridge*

My girlfriend walked in on me again while I was eating cake frosting she'd hidden in the fridge. I hate getting caught masticating.

Ghost me would do the same stuff as alive me. Howl. Wander. Stand in front of the fridge and stare at all the food I'm not allowed to eat.

Wife left a note on the fridge it says "It's not working, gone to my mom's" I opened it and opened a beer, it's cold, the fridge works fine?