#fridge

[staff meeting] "Ya so heads up, someone grabbed my lunch from the fridge, and there's a 420% chance you shouldn't eat the brownie inside"

*friend bites off beer bottle cap at party* HONEY! HONEY!! NOW!! NOW!!! *wife jumps out car with a hundred jars from the fridge*

One of my personalities goes to the grocery store and buys healthy food... Now, I can't find anything to eat in the fridge.

Weird; People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge. Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin.

Puts German chocolate in the fridge last night, this morning it's taken over the area that the polish sausage was in..

Wife. I'm going to bed. Me. Nooo! Don't leave me alone with the fridge.

Maybe the cure for cancer is leaving chocolate pudding cups in my fridge for more than 24 hours. We'll never know.

*SNAP* *wife screams* *walks over to me* *cups my face with her hands* *looks me in the eye* "why is there a mousetrap in the fridge?"

gang leader: "this isnt what i meant when i said go rob the store" me: [putting 19 cartons of milk in fridge] "you should be more specific"

I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool.

In Finland when a baby is born you just whip a bunch of magnetic letters at the fridge and that's its name.

"Wanna hear a joke?" "Alright then." "What's the difference between a toilet and a fridge?" "I don't know," "You're disgusting."

my signature move is yelling "where in the fridge?!" and "i don't see it!" until my mom comes and finds the applesauce for me

*Gets arrested for making prank phone calls [At Police Station] "You can make one phone call" *Dials random # "Is your fridge running?"

put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I'm motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream

There is no "i" in "team," but there is a lot of "alcohol" in my "fridge" because I enjoy abusing my liver.

For starters, you drew your mom the same size as the house. Good enough for the fridge? I don't even want it in my garbage.

Maybe the seventh time around I'll feel different about finding something I want to eat if I glance in the fridge just once more.

honey, i think the milk's gone bad "i only bought it yesterday" yeah well, look at this.. *milk is running a meth lab in the fridge*

I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.

Have you ever been so high you had to pull over and ask someone for directions, and when you do it's your fridge and you're not driving?

The fridge is a clear example that what really matters is what is inside.

Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.

If your kid's shitty kindergarten drawing is hanging on your fridge, you are an enabler of mediocrity.

Your Parents divorced because your Dad didn't want to put your talentless paintings on the fridge.