#technology

You can never really be alone... Except if you don't have a smart phone.

"Girl, your rhinestone encrusted flip phone tricked me into thinking you were a princess!" - No one ever

"I forgot my phone, so what do u want to talk about?" ... *knocks on stall wall* "Hello? Can u hear me?" ... "I like your shoes...Hello?" ..

When my phone rings, I stay very, very still. If I don't move, it can't see me.

Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.

After six years of being responsible, I finally went and lost my phone last night. I'm currently using Twitter from the web. LIKE A CAVEMAN.

As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"

Me: My son totaled another car. Progressive: I see that you insure 3 teen sons? M: yes P: *covers phone* HEY GUYS, WE'RE GOING TO ARUBA!

[first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone

Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.

Kids: haha you have to work and we don't have school today Me *closing the front door* I changed the wifi password. Love you guys!

Her: Prove that you care about me Me: *Takes my phone off the charger and plugs in hers

Does AT&T; allow phone calls on their network? Anyone know?

Finally looked up from my phone screen and noticed I'm being passed around by the crowd at a Blink 182 concert.

I'm pretty terrified of the possibility that you guys might crawl out of my phone like that girl in The Ring.

Our dog runs away so much, I'm just going to spray paint our phone number on her side.

"Seriously, is that what I look like?" - robot watching a guy 'doing the robot'

I always let my phone ring 2 1/2 times before sending it to voicemail so the person calling knows exactly who's in control here.

I wonder if they have WiFi in Hell...

Mom, dad... I'm gay. I didn't know either, someone on the internet told me

How much longer until we can get pets that are also wifi hotspots?

If you're offended by anything on my TL, whatever you do, do not look at the rest of the internet.

I forgot my phone so I asked this guy what time it was. He said "time to get a watch" & laughed. So I kicked him in the balls. It was 6:30.

Nice weather guys, lets have the internet outside today...

[phone rings] "We've removed your son's missing picture from our milk cartons." "You found him?" "No, people stopped buying milk."