#technology

Today is definitely a good day to be kissed but I'm going to sit inside and look at my phone because sometimes that feels like kissing too

If you want something to be misinterpreted, post it on the Internet.

I never understood how a mother could lift a car with a child trapped under, until my phone got stuck under my bed.

I can't wait to be 80 & nostalgic over the time I spent staring at my phone screen.

Dear guy who invented taking pictures of yourself in a mirror with a cell phone: Do you see what you've done? I hope you're happy.

Justin Bieber on the phone. Says he "won't be coming back to the UK in a hurry". Well played, Great Britain. Job done.

Twitter mobile app is still showing stars not hearts so I'm going to stay on here like those violinists at the end of Titanic.

I'm not late, I'm just giving you extra time to do shit on your phone.

The good news is, I found my phone charger in my bed while I was vacuuming my sheets. The bad news is, you read that 2nd part correctly.

Computer dating is fine... if you are a computer.

Really, IKEA? No free WiFi? Or do I have to buy one and assemble it?

[ordering cake over phone] "and what would you like the cake to say?" [covers phone to ask wife] "do we want a talking cake?"

*opens "Job Interview Handbook" *reads "dress for the job you want" *goes to computer *opens browser *Googles "ladies' bicycle seat costume"

The human body can survive 28 days without food, but only 11 minutes without Internet.

ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'

Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside

An important phone call is something that occurs when there's no better excuse to ignore someone.

I bought a spray bottle to break my girlfriend of looking at her phone when I'm speaking. I hide it after use so she doesn't know who did it

Every time I pick up my phone after dropping it, I feel like one of those worried girls in movies who just took a pregnancy test.

Facebook is developing a phone. And MySpace is working on a telegram

iPhones need a feature where an incoming call doesn't take up the whole screen so u can do other things while u ignore a phone call

If your name is Brian and your home WiFi isn't called "Bri-Fi", what are you doing?

Warning to friends: If you piss me off I'll put a for sale sign in my yard and list your phone number to call for inquiries.

Saw a unicorn using a phone booth and all I can think is, who is she calling?

A cell phone with a low battery is nothing more than a damn-cell in distress