[first date] HIM: Can I call you sometime? HER: [slowly slides napkin over phone] You can't... I lost my phone

Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don't they rotate enough while the car is moving? Mechanic: Omg you're right! What a scam. I truly apologize.

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

As a father of girls, I think the best interview method for potential suitors will be: "Let me see your phone"