#ikea

I just asked my friend to come over and "play husband". He's gonna be pissed when he finds out we are putting together shelves from ikea.

For Easter, I will hide pieces of IKEA furniture all over the house and then have my kid assemble it. If she succeeds, she gets chocolate.

One of the fake rooms at Ikea should just be a couple fighting as they try to put the furniture together

My kids are yelling so incoherently at one another it sounds like they're naming IKEA furniture.

When villainy didn't pay anymore, The Riddler got a job writing furniture assembly instructions for IKEA.

Me: Could a drunk person do this!? *assembles Ikea bookcase* Her: that's supposed to be a couch.

I had a one night stand yesterday..but then today I decided to return it to ikea

Really, IKEA? No free WiFi? Or do I have to buy one and assemble it?

I wish IKEA was more like Lego.. on the back of the box it would show you 4 other things you could make from the same materials.

News: IKEA pledges 1 billion euros to help slow climate change. But knowing IKEA, it will take forever to put the money together.

I could win the Nobel Peace Prize and not feel as accomplished as I do when I successfully put together something from Ikea.

If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture.

u ever watch a spider build a web and ur like damn and i cant even build a desk from IKEA

Carpenter ants are bullshit, I left a whole box of ikea furniture here, all they did was carry off my watermelon and steal a picnic basket

'Time to meet your maker' I say, more in hope, as I unpack another box of IKEA furniture.

I love my women like I love my Ikea furniture, cheap and missing a couple screws

On hold with IKEA. The message just told me "there's more to life than furniture." Time to reevaluate everything I thought I knew.

They don't hire anyone at IKEA. People get lost there for a few years and eventually know where everything is. It's Restockholm syndrome.

The only reason an IKEA kitchen will last you 25 years is because it takes 23 years to put it together

"Welcome, teachers & parents, to our community school assembly" *gestures to 237 IKEA boxes* "Let's begin! Who's got the Allen wrench?"

When you rob an Ikea store they probably make you put all the money in the bag yourself.

"Surely EVERYONE pisses in the shower?" I protest as I'm dragged out of Ikea

54% of IKEA purchases end in divorce.

If i were a pro wrestler my finisher would be struggling to put together an IKEA chair then smashing it on the other dude in frustration

Bruce Willis is at IKEA when a toilet plunger falls off a shelf and sticks to his head. he doesn't notice until the following day