#technology

Internet Explorer: so about last night Me: Oh, i used you for flash. IE: Are we back together, am i your default? Me: don't make this weird

Your car won't start? Have you tried getting out of it and then getting back into it again? That usually works for my computer.

Sorry I was cleaning my phone screen and accidentally took 37 selfies.

No matter how tired one is, put a computer in front of them and they can stay awake.

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they're going to be talking.

I'm going to need to see a warrant before you look through any pictures on my phone besides the one I show you.

Checking my phone one more time before I go to sleep because apparently 533 times wasn't enough today.

I am so sorry to hear about your grandma... I know what you're going through my phone dies all the time.

did you know that the bible doesn't actually contain any references to hell? or heaven? or christ?? it just a bunch of names & phone numbers

My neighbor is a real douche & always cheating on his wife, so I changed my wifi to KARL IS CHEATING ON YOU AMY for when she needs my wifi.

Jesus: one of you will betray me tonight *checks phone* Jesus: WHO IN DAD'S NAME UNFOLLOWED ME?!" *judas slyly slips phone back in robe*

My phone just changed, 'calendar' to 'cake radar' and now I really wish I had that.

[kidnapper hands wife phone] "brent" BABY IM COMIN *kidnapper takes back phone but she can hear me yelling* IS THE HAM IN THE FRIDGE EXPIRED

*getting married Priest: will you love & honor her? Me: I will Her: [whispers to priest] Priest: and leave your phone unlocked? Me: I'm out

"No flying cars yet?", he wrote from a 2 inch by 4 inch pocket computer instantaneously to subscribers worldwide using only his right thumb.

On the phone to the chinese food place & my cat's all chatty... I cover the receiver and hiss "Shhh, you want them to hear you?"

Whenever I shut down my computer, it asks, "Are you sure you want to shut down your computer?" Then I wonder if it knows something I don't.

Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! "The green one dad, not the Red one!"

Dude on Amtrak I sized up as being a lawyer just used "litigation" during a phone call. Feeling powerful right now.

Internet speeds would be a lot faster if it wasn't for all the bandwidth hogs watching their cats sleep by webcam.

*uses ipad as a phone* Hey look at me i'm a hobbit

Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with ".gov"?

I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.

You should be able to make your GPS call you a code name. "Bobcat, in 3.1 miles turn left" "Recalculating, Bobcat, you're going rogue."

How about an app that keeps track of every working automatic paper towel dispenser in the world? All seven or eight of them.