#technology

The only way I can appreciate a beautiful view is by taking a picture of it with my phone & looking at it on the screen.

Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password was "Very Strong."

[trapped on a patch of ice that's melting in the Arctic ocean] [rubs Genie bottle] "can you hook me up with some wifi?"

Modern day camping is an uncharged phone.

I love you so much that I would wait for your photo to load on my slow Internet connection.

Coworker: "How'd you get that cut above your eye?" Me: *Remembering dropping my phone on my face* "STOP ASKING ME ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!"

Experts are close to classifying internet addiction as a mental illness. They just need to check one more thing. And Facebook. And Twitter.

Customer asked where I lived so I thought the most accurate response was "the internet."

I spent an hour explaining how WiFi works to my dad and my dog. The dog gets it.

*wife looks through my phone *divorces me 8 times

Billion dollar idea: An app that sends you a text when the light turns green.

Back in my day we didn't call meeting strangers from the Internet in random places for a weekend "tweet ups" we called it "shit you dont do"

is this your first day on the internet? men are men, women are men, and children are cops...

I call McDonald's to make a reservation for Valentine's Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone

"Hello, this is Steve, my wife is listening." - How I answer every phone call since my wife bought Bluetooth for my car.

Me: My computer broke IT guy: What have you tried so far? Me: Everything IT guy: Me: I shook the mouse a few times and did some swearing

I do most of my lying when I'm trying to get off the phone.

Me: We didn't even have cell phones or the internet when I was your age. 6yo: Did you have bikes? Me....nope, we rode horses. 6yo: WOOOOW

Took a poop without my phone. Had no idea what to do with my hands. Did the Macarena. What a day.

When someone asks, "How are you?" I say, "5-7-8-3" because they don't care how I am & saying my ATM Code out loud helps me memorize it.

It makes me a little sad that shaking a vending machine might be the closest I ever come to fighting a robot.

Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.

Calm down, Windows Update. I'll restart my computer during work time.

You have to admire husband's focus as he plays on his iPad while I furiously chop carrots tapping out "I hate you" in morse code w my knife.

Phone rang for the 1st time in 4 months. My reaction was similar to finding a dead mouse on my porch. I circled it & poked it with a stick.