Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.

"Seriously, is that what I look like?" - robot watching a guy 'doing the robot'

Kids: haha you have to work and we don't have school today Me *closing the front door* I changed the wifi password. Love you guys!

Her: Prove that you care about me Me: *Takes my phone off the charger and plugs in hers