#fridge

A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in... Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. ""Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"" The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter. ""You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"" The wife, concerned by the status of her husband's mental state,forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs. ""WE NEED BUTTER! Are y…

The loudest noise in the jungle Why do monkeys paint their balls red? So they can hide in a cherry tree! Ever seen a monkey in a cherry tree? No? That's how good it works! How can you tell if a giraffe was in the fridge? Footprints in the butter! And what is the loudest noise in the jungle? ...giraffes eating cherries.

You Might Be An Extreme Redneck If... You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of HER kids. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. Someone in your family died right after saying, 'Hey, guys, watch this.' You think Dom Perig…

A wife finds a note from her husband on the fridge one morning... My dear wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongfully interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 19 year old secretary at the comfort inn hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight. *When the man ca…

Three men in line for heaven... Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came int…

People question the Christmas present I got for my mother They say a fridge is a terrible gift when she already has one. But when I saw here face light up upon opening it, all doubts where gone.

Struggling with Christmas Presents??? If you're struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas... Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it!

Why did the man fall off his bike Because someone threw a fridge at him

Life support issues Last night I was in the living room, talking to my wife about life. In-between, we talked about the idea of living or dying. I told her : 'Never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the connections that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die.' My wife got up from the sofa and proceeded to disconnect the Cable TV, DVD, the laptop, and the Xbox. Then she went to th…

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge ""This is not working. I'm going to my mom's house."" I opened the fridge. The light came on. The beer was cold. What the hell is she talking about?

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day... Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I c…

I like my women like I like my milk Freshly made and trapped in the fridge

My wife has the body of a 16 year old She keeps it in the fridge.

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary... I know it wasn't a great gift, but I loved seeing her face light up when she opened it.

The Toaster leads the Kitchen Appliances on Strike. [LONG] I looked around the kitchen in exasperation. ""We have will be heard! We have a voice! We have rights!"" ""Umm, no you don't."" I said to the speaker, ""you're literally a wok."" ""Well that may be, but we will not be abused any longer!"" A chorus of ""Yeah,"" ""You tell 'im!"" and "" Rights for appliances!"" rang out around the kitchen. I sighed irritably. I had come downstairs as usual this morning hoping for some toast and a nice coff…

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge: This isn't working, I'm going to my mums house. I opened the fridge door and the light came on and the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?

What's the difference between a 1950s mental asylum and my fridge? One's filled with fruits and vegetables, the other's my fridge.

Is your smart fridge running? ""Yes? Well can you turn the damn thing off, it's breaking the Internet!""

I've got the body of a 25 year old supermodel But my fridge is too small... Does anyone have any ideas?

Elaphant inside a fridge Student: Sir, can I ask a question? Teacher: Yes! Student: How do you put an elephant inside a fridge? Teacher: I don't know. Student: It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. I have another question! Teacher: Ok, ask. Student: How to put a donkey inside the fridge? Teacher: It's easy, you just open the fridge and put it in. Student: No sir, You just open the fridge take out the elephant and put it in. Teacher: Ooh...ok!! Student: Let me ask another one. If all…

Gomez was an alcoholic. As part of his recovery, he decided to become Christian. He went to the local church where he was baptized and dipped in water 3 times. After the third dip, the Priest said: ""You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your new name is Sanchez."" Sanchez went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Corona, dipped it in water 3 times and said: ""You are now a new creation, the old one is gone. You…

What's the difference between a fridge and a gay man? A fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

Three Men Were Standing In Line To Get Into Heaven Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-han…

I bought my girlfriend a fridge for her birthday I know its not the greatest gift, but you should've seen her face light up when she opened it.

What is the difference between a kid and a fridge The fridge does not scream when I put my meat in it.