#fridge

After Thanksgiving a woman continually finds her husband rummaging through the fridge... ... ravenously devouring leftovers from their Thanksgiving feast. It gets to the point where she begins to get worried and asks, ""Honey can you stop eating like that? You aren't even heating your food!"" To which the husband replies, ""Everyone knows it is futile to try and quit cold turkey!""

Automatic light A husband speaks to his wife after waking up in the morning, frantic. ""Honey, you won't believe it! I went to the bathroom last night and the light turned on automatically! Weird huh?"" Annoyed, she yells at him: ""You crapped in the fridge again!""

What black & White and cool as f**k? A fridge with a leather jacket on.

You're an EXTREME redneck when... 1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. 2. The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it. 3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. 4. You think a woman who is ""out of your league"" bowls on a different night. 5. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 6. Someone in your family died right after saying, ""Hey, guys, watch this.""…

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge? A: You open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door. Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge? A: You open the door, take the giraffe out, put the elephant in, close the door. Q: The Lion King was having his birthday and threw a party and invited all the animals. Who was not there? A: The elephant, he was in the fridge. Q: Three men travelling through the jungle came across a river known to be infested with alligators. How did they cross it?…

Why did little Johnny fall off the swing? ...he didn't have arms. Why did little Sarah fall off her bike? Someone threw a fridge at her.

I like my women how I like my cheese... ...blue, filled with holes, and wrapped in plastic in my fridge.

Two gay guys live together.... One wakes up for work, gets ready then heads to the kitchen. The other guy (already in the kitchen) is next to the fridge jerking off into a condom. The other guy says, ""hey whatcha' doin""? He says; ""I'm packin' your lunch""!

Whats rectangular, white and blue?.... A fridge with a denim jacket on. HA!

So crap that it's good (I hope) Whats white and cant climb trees? A fridge -_-

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge?.... ...A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive, but he gets them from my neighbour's fridge.

bad feelings when others left home they are thinking: did i closed the window... did i closed the fridge...? when i left home: did i delete my history?

Two tomatoes were sitting in a fridge... One tomato says to the other: 'Ain't it cold?' And the other replies: 'HOOOOOLY SHIT, A SPEAKING TOMATO!!!'

Each man gives a story Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th …

Latex gloves A happy couple are laying in bed when the husband farts, the wife says to him ""Harry, you fart every morning in bed. One day you're going to fart your guts out!"" Harry just grunted and ignored her. 4 months later... It's the morning after thanksgiving and the wife Fiona is looking in the fridge when she notices the insides of the turkey in plastic wrap. She knows what she had to do. She goes upstairs and while Harry is sleeping she slips the insides into his boxers. She goes back …

My friend Dan So I've got a friend, Dan, who just came back from 3 months deployment. Hes one of my best friends, and hes actually a lieutenant in the army because he's pretty talented, and the night he came back we went to party and i slept at his house. In the morning i got up early and tried cooking him breakfast. He woke up about the same time i did and i told him i was gonna make us some food. So i look in the fridge, and upon realizing it hasn't been stocked up because he just got back fro…

What's blue and white and sits up a tree? A fridge wearing a denim jacket.

another polish joke why do polish people keep empty bottles in the fridge? for those that don't want anything to drink

Why bachelors are skinner than married men A bachelor goes into the kitchen, opens the fridge, sighs, goes to bed. A married man goes into the bedroom, lifts the blanket, sighs, goes to the fridge.

Story for St. Peter Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day and they only let in a certain amount per day so St. Peter says, ""Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"" So the first man replies: ""Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I c…

What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? The fridge doesn't fart when you pull out the meat.

I left some burgers sitting in my fridge since the horse-meat scandal. AND THEY'RE OFF!!

I lift the toilet seat to take a piss and my girlfriend forgot to flush and the water is red. My first thought.... ...do we have any juice boxes in the fridge?

Heaven Three guys are at the gates of heaven. The angel Gabriel tells them that he has to know how they died before he lets them in. The first guy says ""I came home to my apartment on the 4th floor to find that I had been robbed! I was looking around to see if the thief left any signs, and check out the damage, and I saw someone outside the balcony hanging for their life. Thinking they were the thief, I smashed their fingers with a hammer and they fell. Miraculously, they survived. So I pushed …