#gabriel

JESUS: everyone loves me GABRIEL: wat about judas GOD: o snap JESUS: dad GOD: u've just been... JESUS: dont do this GOD: TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL

-hey lucifer. did it hurt -did what hurt -when you fell from heaven -for the last time gabriel i am not going out with you

Gabriel "Really? That's how you want humans to reproduce?" God "Trust me. It will be hilarious."

Heaven Three guys are at the gates of heaven. The angel Gabriel tells them that he has to know how they died before he lets them in. The first guy says ""I came home to my apartment on the 4th floor to find that I had been robbed! I was looking around to see if the thief left any signs, and check out the damage, and I saw someone outside the balcony hanging for their life. Thinking they were the thief, I smashed their fingers with a hammer and they fell. Miraculously, they survived. So I pushed …

Jesus dies and goes up to Heaven. The first thing he does is look for his father, as he has never met the man before and is curious as to what he looks like, and whether or not Jesus looks like his mother or father, etc. He looks high and low but cannot find him. He asks St. Peter ""Where is my father?"" But St. Peter says he doesn't know. He asks the archangel Gabriel ""Where is my father?"" But Gabriel doesn't know. He asks John the Baptist ""Where is my father?"" But John does not know. So he…

A lawyer died and arrived at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked him, ""What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"" The lawyer thought a moment, then said, ""A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."" Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the records, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that it was true. Saint Peter said, ""Well , that's fine, but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."" The Lawyer said, ""Wait, wait! There's more! Three yea…

A new York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him ""What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"" The Lawyer thought a moment then said ""A week ago I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."" Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true. Saint Peter said ""Well that's fine but it's not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."" The Lawyer said ""Wait Wait! There's mor…

A mathematician leaves a conference only to find that the last train has gone. Being a devout Christian, he falls to his knees and prays: "God, if it lies within your will, please send me a way to get home tonight!". To his astonishment, there is a swirl of ethereal music, and an angel descends from the clouds, and moments later a shiny black Audi appears where it wasn't before. "Hail, thou who has found favour with the Lord!" proclaims the angel. "Here is your way home" - and the angel hands …

Priest Peter arrives at Heaven's Gates. A priest named Peter was a really great man to God. Always faithful and hard-working. One day, he passed away of old age, and went to the Heaven's Gates. Besides him was a really drunk bus driver (like, a really bad driver) who died the same day. Since Peter was thinking that the bus driver may not get a chance to enter heaven, he gave him the front place, saying "You can go before me, no problem." When the bus driver was going for the ga…

God said to Gabriel: ""I've finally finished my masterpiece. Beautiful mountains

3 guys stand in front of the heaven gateway waiting to enter Archangel Gabriel greeds them but tell them that because of new rules only the ones with a worthy death story may enter.

Mike: “Have any of your childhood dreams been realized?” Gabriel: “Only one. When my mother combed my hair, I used to wish I did not have any!”