#fridge

Three men were standing in line waiting to get into heaven Three men were standing in line waiting to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to c…

Note on the fridge. I came home from the golf course today. The wife had left a note on the refrigerator: "IT'S NOT WORKING, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay with my mother." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold... What the hell is she talking about?

I'm Hungary Timmy: I'm Hungary, Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge. Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen. Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey. Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck! Mum: There is Norway you can eat that. Timmy: I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile Mum: Denmark your name on the can. Timmy: Kenya do it for me? Mum: OK, I'm Ghana do it. Timmy: Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today Mum: It Tokyo long enough. Timmy: yeah Israe…

I bought an official Craig David fridge recently, and it's useless! It only chills on Sundays!

A long series of jokes 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left? _502._ How do you put an elephant in a fridge? _Open door, put elephant in, close door._ How do you put a giraffe in the fridge? _Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door._ The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one? _The giraffe. He's in a fridge._ Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally …

It's an old joke, but I said it to my kids and their friends and they went hysterical A plane carries 500 bricks. 1 falls out. How many bricks are left? 499. How do you put an elephant in a fridge in 3 steps? Open the fridge, put in the elephant, and close the fridge. How do you put a deer in a fridge in 4 steps? Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the deer, then close the fridge. The Lion King is having a party. All the animals are there except for one; who is it? The deer: He …

A guy dies and goes to hell. Satan welcomes him warmly and shakes his hand. He is given the keys to a gorgeous apartment, where he finds a brand new set of golf clubs, and a membership to the ritzy Hades Golf Club. He has servants to look after his every need. In the garage is a brand new sports car and the fridge is stocked with beer, and wonderful food. A large screen television has all the sports channels he is used to and free movies. One day, after weeks of enjoying all the amenities, he…

A joke my dad used to tell my brother and me. Long but worth it IMO. Three men die and find themselves in a waiting room outside the gates of heaven. An angel enters the room and says, "hey guys. We've had a really busy day. A lot of good people died today and we are almost at capacity for the day. However, if you explain how you died, maybe I can make some room for you." The first man walks up to the angel and says, "well it all started a few weeks ago. I was having suspicions that my wife …

A bad day Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?" So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartme…

An old man goes back to bed ... And asks his wife " does the light in our bathroom turn on and off automatically ", she replies with "No why?", the old man sighs and says "well.... I'm going to buy a new fridge tomorrow"

Why are married women always fatter than single women? Single women come home, see what they have in the fridge and go to bed, while married women come come, see what they have in the bed and go to the fridge.

Timmy : I'm Hungary Timmy : I'm Hungary. Mum : Why don't you Czech the fridge. Timmy : Ok, I'm Russian to the kitchen. Mum : Hmm...maybe you'll find some Turkey. Timmy : Yeah, but its all covered in Greece. Yuck ! Mum : There is Norway you can eat that. Timmy : I know, I guess I'll just have a can of Chile. Mum : Denmark your name on the can. Timmy : Kenya do it for me? Mum : Ok , I'm Ghana do it. Timmy : Thanks, i'm so tired Iran for an hour today. Mum : It Tokyo long enough.…

An eldery couple was discussing religion with their priest *Eldery man*: [...] and you see, I get this impression that God lends me a hand every now and then. *Priest*: Oh, well this is nice, but how can you tell? *Eldery Man*: It's in the tiny things... Like, for instance, last night, I went to pee and when I opened the door, He turned the light on for me. *Eldery Woman*: You pissed in the fridge... again...

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left? 499. What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator? Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge. What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge? Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge. The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why? The giraffe because he's stuck in the fridge. Sally wants to cross an alligator infes…

Two couples are playing cards at the table, and someone accidentally knocks them to the floor.. Two couples are playing cards at the table, and someone accidentally knocks them to the floor. One of the men goes under the table to pick up the cards, and as he looks up he can see up his friend's wife's dress and that she isn't wearing any underwear. Blushing coming up from the table, he sets the cards down and they continue to play. A little while later while going to get a drink from the frid…

I just saw a movie the other day about a fridge lost in space It was a real sci-fi chiller

After trying many fruits and vegetables in my kids lunch, their favourite by far was sliced cucumber. I don’t know if it was our fridge, but they only really stayed fresh for a few days. This meant that at least twice a week I was stopping at the corner grocery store to just grab a couple cucumbers. After a couple months it became obvious that I kept buying them from the same clerk. The way he interacted with me also changed, giving me little smile’s and sometimes a knowing wink and smile. Al…

A short lumpy young whit guy walks into a P.I.’s office. The investigator asks “What can I do for you, son?” The guy lets out a little giggle and says, “Well, I recently came into a significant sum of money.” The P.I. leans forward in his chair, licks his lips and says, “Well good for you. How can I be of service?” The young man replies, “I went yesterday to the attorney’s office to pick up my inheritance from my Uncle who died a couple of weeks ago. It was a lot of money. Life changing. I…

I know it's October but I have already ordered my wife a new fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

An old man and his wife visited their doctor for a check-up The doctor wanted to examine the old man first. After performing some medical tests, he said, "I'm surprised you're in excellent health." The old man replies, "I attribute it to my good and clean life." "Your good and clean life?" "Yes. I have lived such a good and clean life. The Lord himself turns the light on for me when I use the bathroom and the Lord himself turns the light off for me when I leave." "The Lord himself did this?…

A 25yr Old Woman Marries A 70yr Old Man..... She loves him and cares for him , tending to his needs in his older years. One day, some friends of hers invite her on a "Girls Holiday", away from the husbands, a chance to let loose for a week and have a bit of freedom, but she is worried about her husband's care. She speaks to her husband about him going into a care home for the week, so that she knows he will be looked after and help will be on hand while she is away. He really doesn't like t…

Two men met in heaven What did you die of?' asked the one. I died of extreme cold. And what about you?' I came home from work and thought I heard my wife talking to a stranger. On entering the house, I searched every nook and corner but could not find anyone anywhere. I felt so guilty of my suspicion that my heart failed. Hearing this, the other one said, 'Had you cared to open the fridge, neither of us would have died.'

Honey, did you upgrade the bathroom? A guy wakes up with a massive hangover and stumbles into the kitchen, where he finds his wife. “Hey, honey, did you upgrade the bathroom?” he asks. “Why do you ask?” she replies, curious. “Well, I opened the bathroom door, the light turned on by itself, and a cool breeze blew right into my face! It was amazing!” His wife glares at him and says, “So you’re the idiot who pissed in the fridge last night!”

I used to get so irritated at my kid for not picking up the ice cubes that fall on the kitchen floor but as a parent you've got to pick your battles. Now it's all water under the fridge.

*opens your fridge and sees 2% milk* Hey bro, you should charge your milk.