#turkey

If a turkey got murdered, the chalk outline would look like a giant preschooler's hand.

Feeding some weed to the turkey so it will already be baked when we kill it... Will save sooo much time !

*deep fries turkey *deep fries deck *deep fries backyard *deep fries house *deep fries neighborhood *deep fries los angeles

Americans eat Turkeys at Christmas. Do people in Turkey eat Americans?

Her: (Sigh) How did you burn the Thanksgiving Turkey? Me: I followed the directions. 20 minutes a pound at 325 degrees. I weigh 175 pounds!

I quit smoking cold turkey 1 year ago but sometimes I still get the urge to go into fridge and light up a slice

Burger King is preparing to introduce a new turkey burger. Pigeons are beginning to disappear.

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey and my Bahrain was like Oman I Israel Hungary so Iran.

*releases frozen turkey back into the ocean

Cold turkey is a scary concept but also an adorable image. Aww give that little guy a jacket.

What's it called when you have decided to stop eating cold turkey sandwiches?

Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.

No one has ever said, "You know what would make this even better? Turkey bacon."

By tomorrow night America will be in a turkey induced coma. On Friday...Canada attacks.

Just found out you can eat a big turkey dinner whenever you want without having to be thankful. This changes everything.

"anyone for turkey burgers?" turkey: well sure haha "oh, it's not a burger for turkeys" turkey: what is it then "uhh" turkey: say it

I often antagonize black people in hopes they call me a jive turkey.

ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print

Baked turkey for 4 and a half days - instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108! #MyProblem

Me [trying to sound intellectual]: okay, okay which came first turkey the bird or Turkey the *points at map*

the turkey takes his mask off it's edward snowden obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now

Arrived home super drunk. Put the turkey in the oven and went up and banged my wife. Woke up next to the turkey. Afraid to check the oven.

Turkey bacon is a lot like normal bacon except that IT'S NOT AND IT NEEDS TO GO BACK TO HELL, WHERE IT CAME FROM.

Does it creep anyone else out that Donald Duck eats a turkey dinner on 'Once Upon A Christmas'? Isn't that a form of cannibalism?

Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation.. ~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand