#edward

Bella is the most misunderstood girl in fiction. She games Edward for immortality, starts a vampire war&secures a wolf servant for her baby.

the turkey takes his mask off it's edward snowden obama groans, it's too late to unpardon him now

Edward Scissorhand's death was probably from running.

Dear Edward, maybe the reason you can't read Bella's mind is because there's nothing in her head. Sincerely, Logic.

My uncle Edward was on his deathbed... A long time ago my uncle Edward was dying of cancer. Doctors couldn't do any more for him, so they sent him home to be comfortable. So he's up on his deathbed, can't move very much, he's very weak. But one morning he inhales, and smells something delightful coming from downstairs. Something irresistible. My Aunt Helen's chocolate chip cookies. So he rolls out of bed with a loud thump, drags himself painstakingly down the stairs sideways so as not to tumble …

Why does Edward never leave Russia? He's always Snowden.

A alcoholic man named Edward L. Trickle was at an AA meeting. They ask him to stand up and introduce himself. ""Hello, I'm Edward Lek, and I am an alcoholic."" After a few minutes of chat with the group, he removes a bottle of gin with a red N on it from his bag. They all gasp and ask what he's doing with it. He pours it down his ear while the whole group watches in awe. ""This is my way of drinking."" He says. After a few more minutes, the whole room's lightbulbs go dark. Edward gets up and fid…

The bad weather kept my friend Edward from going to work today He's Snowden

How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration? **The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a gross negligent manner. **

Those childhood days(real incident) I am sharing my childhood event and this makes me laughs hilariously Teacher (on phone): You say Edward has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking? Voice: This is my father.

Why was Edward unable to get out of Russia? Because he was Snowd en! (according to my friends this joke has been around for awhile, but I hadn't seen it yet, and wanted to share the goof)

Edward and Tobias A farmer had a decent racing horse that one day had twins. He called the twins Edward and Tobias. The colts were incredibly healthy and competitive, from a young age they would run together. Whenever the farmer would lay out some new hay or corn feed, the two colts would race, pushing each other as hard as they could to see who would win. Tobias always won, but it was always a close race. The farmer, noticing how competitive they were, decided to enter them in a racing competit…

Why is Edward still in Russia? Because he is Snowd*en*

Old School Pirate Crime Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that will mark the location of the unbound riches of their future. A well known calligrapher lived in the area and Clumsy Edward knew just how to get their much-needed red ink! ""Put y…

The NSA wants Edward Snowden to leave Russia. NSA: Hey Edward, you should really come back to America so we can talk. Edward: I can't. I'm Snowden.

Why was the broom late? Because it over swept! (Source: Thomas and Friends - Edward the hero)

I enjoyed your vampire joke and remembered this one, check it out. There was this bar for vampires only. It was crowded with famous and rich vampires like Dracula, Nosferatu, Edward, Selene, Victor... Dracula himself was enjoying a cup of 18 y/o O negative, delicious. And this skinny looking vampire enters the bar and asks for a cup of hot water. No blood. The bartender is a bit skeptical - ""what are you doing with a cup of hot water?!"" ""just found a used tampon, gonna make myself some tea""

Last night I hooked up with Edward Snowden's sister. believe me, she's the REAL whistle blower.

Why can't Edward leave Russia this winter? He'll be Snowden.

What do you call... ...a man in a bush? Russel! ...a man in a lake? Bob! ...a man with a car on his head? Jack! ...a man with a spade in his head? Doug! ...a man without a spade in his head? Douglas! ...a man with a toilet on his head? Lou! ...a man with a map on his head? Miles! ...a man hooked to the wall? Art! ...a woman slates on her head? Ruth! ...a man with a plank on his head? Edward! ...a man with TWO planks on his head? Edward Wood! ...a man with THREE planks on his head? Edward Woodwar…

Why isn't Edward leaving Russia? ...because he's snowed in.

Q: Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward? A: Because two Eds are better than one.

Why did the mother of twins name both of her sons Edward? Because two Eds are better than one.

What do you call a monster with a wooden head? Edward.

Whose son was Edward the Black Prince ? Old King Coal !