#russia

Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.

I don't know why Russia is so homophobic. Most of the women there look like men anyway.

In Russia, Pokemon find you.

Letting Russia host the Winter Olympics feels a little bit like letting Voldemort host the Quidditch Cup.

"Let's fly to Russia, get a bucket of water from the Caspian Sea, then put it above the door so it falls on Jeff!" - Impractical joke

My GF arrives in town next week. I'm so excited! I just hope that all the tension w/ Russia doesn't make U.S. immigration hold up the mail.

Girl likes 'boys with accents <333' on Facebook. I charge at her. "HELLOUGH!! I AM HELMUT, FROM RUSSIA. I WORK AS STRANGLER AT MEAT FACTORY"

Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat

If Russia prepares for war the way it prepares for the Olympics then we have nothing to worry about.

It would be funny if, with everyone freaking out about global warming we ended up dying in a good old 60s throwback nuclear war with Russia.

when super mario bros. was released in russia it was much less popular under the title "you are toilet man fight turtle monster"

Sochi is doing that thing where they manically try to clean the house 10 minutes before company arrives. But the house is Russia.

*Tweets funniest tweet ever *Dies laughing *Over 6 billion die laughing *Germany and Russia survive *Coz nobody left to explain the joke

The Pope quit. Meteor in Russia. Snowing in Arizona. Star Wars and Star Trek have the same director. Who the hell is playing Jumanji?

Have girl problem? Feel bad for you son. I live in Russia. Have 99 problems. Bear ate car. Wife ate bear. Son ate wife. I eat son now?

North Korea claiming they test fired a big rock at Russia.

In Russia, Vladimir Putin has said that the killers of Nemtsov "will be ruthlessly hunted down." He added, "It's cheaper than paying them"

Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all "Russia".

We have a saying in Germany. It is better to have loved and lost than to engage in a land war with Russia in the winter.

Wonder when that family from Russia is going to realize I took a selfie instead of a photo of them standing in front of the Chinese Theatre.

Do Russia and Uganda realize if they put all their gay people in jail then jail will become the nicest part of their country?

NCAA Hockey needs to re-name brackets. How is Alaska in the NE? They can see Russia.

After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding. Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia.

"It's always Russia somewhere" I whisper to my 4th shot of morning vodka.

I predict that Obama's next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.