#arizona

A lethal injection that takes two hours has no place in a civilized society. And it shouldn't happen in Arizona either.

HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO, OR AS IT'S KNOWN AS IN ARIZONA, "CINCO DE WHAT-O? YOU'RE UNDER ARREST-O, PACO"

Flash floods in Arizona last night. We nominate California and Texas. #ALSIceBucketChallenge

Anderson Cooper: "the Arizona wildfire is flaming out of control." Arizona Wildfire: "Wow, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black."

The Pope quit. Meteor in Russia. Snowing in Arizona. Star Wars and Star Trek have the same director. Who the hell is playing Jumanji?

did you know Arnold Palmer was a real human before he became a drink made by Arizona

Bieber enacts law in Arizona that requires Iron Man to clean up oil spill using an iPad. #help #allmynewscomesfromtwitter

Going to Arizona in 2 weeks. Better bring my passport in case I accidentally get a tan.

Walking Eagle President Bush was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his career as Governor of Texas, how he had signed ""YES"" 1,237 times - for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval. Although the President was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas f…

So there's a huge pigeon problem in Arizona... There are pigeons and pigeon shit all over cars roads, sidewalks, everywhere. A citizen has a meeting with the state guy in charge of fixing the problem, and says ""hey man, I can fix this easily, and I'll do it for free. The only thing I ask is that nobody asks me any questions, or I get a million dollars.."" The state guy says, ""OK. Let's do it."" The citizen sticks his arm out, and suddenly a brilliantly blue pigeon lands on his arm, then flies …

Yeee-haaa. A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and off they rode. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a ""Ye-e-e-e-h-a- a-a-a!!!"".... so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final ""Ye-e-e-e-…

Amazing Red Cloud A guy was driving down the highway in Arizona and he sees a sign that says ""Amazing Red Cloud, the Indian who remembers everything"". So the guy pulls over and there under a canopy sits an Indian on a bucket. The guy asks the Indian, ""What did you have for breakfast on July 8th, 1987?"" The Indian says, ""Eggs"". The guy gets mad and says that answer proves nothing, and he gets in his car and drives away. 10 years later the guy and his family are on vacation in Arizona when t…

Indian that remembers everything Guy was driving down the highway in Arizona and he sees a sign that says ""Amazing Red Cloud, the Indian who remembers everything"". So the guy pulls over and there under a canopy sits an Indian on a bucket. The guy asks the Indian, ""What did you have for breakfast on July 8th, 1987?"" The Indian says, ""Eggs"". The guy gets mad and says that answer proves nothing, and he gets in his car and drives away. 10 years later the guy and his family are on vacation in A…

Once there was a penguin on his way to Arizona for a holiday. On his way, he noticed that his car had high oil pressure so he stopped to see what the problem was. On realizing that his car had an oil leak he pulls into the next town to a garage. While it is being fixed he decides to look around the town. Being a penguin, he decides that a nice cold ice-cream could be good, but not having any hands he gets himself into quite a mess trying to eat it with his little flippers. When he goes back to t…

A cowboy, bored with his life, decides to head east... He embarks by train from California, hoping to seek a new job and new adventures. Somewhere in Arizona, the train slows down at a small station and passengers stream on and off. Looking through a window, the cowboy sees an old Native American man wearing what looks like the garb of a powerful Indian chief, sitting on the platform. He stares at the old Indian until a man next to him on the train leans over and whispers, ""That old wiseman has…

A penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices his check engine light is on. He gets off the highway and takes his car to the nearest mechanic. The mechanic tells him to come back in an hour, so the penguin leaves. As he's walking through the town, he spots an ice cream shop, and, feeling quite warm (being that he is a penguin in Arizona), decides something cool would hit the spot. He orders a bowl of vanilla ice cream and sits down. Penguins don't have great manual dexterity, so he makes …

Wearing Husband Goggles The party's host paid me a great compliment. ""You are a good-looking woman,"" he said. ""HonestI've had only one beer."" My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, ""Imagine how great she'll look after two."" Rosemary Tomy, Tucson, Arizona

What do you call it when a mother has twin boys in Arizona? Tucson.

My State of the Union I am from Illinois, but I also lived in Arizona for a while.

A picture from my trip to Arizona [What a beaut!](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/39/Monument_Valley_Merrick_Butte.jpg) ^^^Disclaimer: ^^^This ^^^is ^^^not ^^^actually ^^^my ^^^picture.

Two Native Americans walk into a restaurant... The concierge asks, ""Do you have reservations?"" One of the guys replies, ""Yes; mine is in Oklahoma and his is in Arizona.""

A man in Arizona buys a [Tempescope Cube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ddMyIsxZ-g). He returned it a week later because all it did was blow sand and tumbleweeds around.

How Daylight Savings Time Came to Pass -or- The Origin of Seasonal Depression Back in the days before time, the townspeople were concerned with what they called, The Dying of the Light. It seemed that each passing day, night absorbed more of the light, and the days grew progressively colder. Fearful that the Nightman was punishing them, they congregated in the town square to seek the wisdom of the elders. ""Hey guys, didja notice that it seems each passing day, night absorbs more of the light, a…

Hurricane Joaquin This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week. Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.

Did you hear about that new wax museum in Arizona. And... it's gone.