#new-york

New York: The city that never sleeps. Berlin: The city that never sleeps until Sunday. Paris: The city that never sleeps alone.

Saying "Only in New York" is just a way for you to cope with watching a bum pee on another bum that is shitting in the subway.

Becoming hard to tell difference between credible news organizations like 4chan and troll sites like New York Post.

I think New York has reached the point where it can finally be called York.

A show about a vampire glee club's exploits in 1960's New York. You're welcome, Hollywood.

(new york guy murmuring "eyy im walkin here" over and over in his sleep) aww hes having a dream where hes running

I bet it really confuses poor Forrest Gump to see Lt. Dan on TV solving crimes in New York.

In New York, people are paying up to $100 for a "cronut," which is croissant/donut. We call these people "midiots," which is a moron/idiot.

Most people don't even know that New York was attacked by the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man in the 80's. I saw a documentary about it.

Me: I want to kiss you everywhere! Her: You mean New York, Paris & London? Me: Um, ya that's what I meant.

The New York Post publishes rumours about Dwayne Johnson. He sues for defamation and wins. Rock beats paper. And the crowd goes wild.

It's unseasonably warm in New York. Let's go outside and stare at our phones.

eating the classic new york dish we all know and love that's right the individually purchased sleeve of ritz crackers

I have now lived in New York long enough that I can eat a meal while running at full speed.

Movie Trivia: Cloverfield was just Khloe Kardashian on a shopping trip in New York

Only in New York will they pay $5 a bottle for cold water, but cry when it's free from the sky.

Just found out Cuba Gooding Jr is not from Cuba, but from New York. Leave it to a big name celebrity to be a huge liar

i saw a license plate yesterday that said 'i miss new york,' so i smashed their window and stole their radio

*interrupts your heartfelt story* Oh NOW I hear your New York accent!! Say "dying wish" again! Ok now say "coffee"!

Beers for me brothers So, there's a man in a small Irish village who comes to a local pub at least once a week. When he came around, he would always order three beers and sit and drink all three before leaving. One day a new patron came into the bar and while sitting at the bar noticed the man order three beers. Out of curiosity, the patron asked him, ""'Scuse me mate. I notice you ordered three beers and drink all three yer self. Why is that?"" And the man said, ""Well me and my two brothers us…

A man is on a journey in Africa (x-post from r/AntiJokes) He meets a wild elephant. They become best friends over the weeks that he is there conducting his research. The elephant would stomp it's feet in joy every time he saw the man. One day there was a bush fire, the man had to save himself and left the elephant behind. The man presumed that the elephant died. Flash forward to 10 years later, the man is wandering around the Bronx Zoo in New York. He looks at the elephants and strangely enough …

The Five-Kick Method (long) A very famous and successful attorney from NYC was hunting ducks in the countryside. He was having a bad day in the woods as there didn't seem to be any ducks at all to be hunted. Then, all of a sudden, he saw the most beautiful, fattest duck of his life swiftly take off, so he aptly aimed and shot down the fat bastard. His dog quickly sped off in the direction od the fallen bird. Turns out the duck had fallen just a few feet within the fences of a private property. W…

So a rich lawyer from New York is duck hunting in Michigan and he hits a duck and it falls in a nearby farmer's field. He walks into the field to retrieve his his duck. The farmer walks up and says ""You're on my propriety get off!"" The lawyer replies ""Well I shot my duck and it landed in your field if you stop me I'll take your ass to court and sue you for all you got!"" To which the farmer say calmly ""Now, now you city-slicker, in Michigan we have a solution to settle these small disputes."…

A tourist is eaten by a python at the zoo. Two tourists from the Czech republic are visiting New York. At the zoo, one leans forward, trying to get real close to the pythons. He falls down into the enclosure and is quickly swallowed whole. Panicking, the other guy runs up to a caretaker and cries out for help. The caretaker asks him: ""Which of these pythons ate your friend, the male or the female one?"" ""That one! That one!"", exclaims the Czech, pointing at the male snake, bloated with its st…

So there is this bar on the 15th floor of a building in New York And this dude walks in like he owns the place. He walks up to the bartender and orders 4 of his ""Special Drinks"". Then he jumps out the window and flys around the building 10 times. When he jumps back in he goes to this girl at the bar and says ""Did you see that?"" She says no and he orders 4 more drinks and flys around the bar again. This time she was walking to the window while he was flying and she still didn't see it. He com…