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Cream Filling [Long] Ok, so there's this guy, who's about forty years old, and he's a ginger. You know, red hair, pale skin, freckles, no soul, the whole works, he's a ginger. and he lives by New York City. he doesn't live in it, he only lives by it, but he works in the city, and in his free time he enjoys going into the city. so one night he was out having a good time in the city and he has work the next morning. so he's taking the subway to work because that's how people in New York get to wor

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The twenty and the one . . . A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they strike up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. ""I've had a pretty good life,"" the twenty proclaimed. ""Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the

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So a young boy in China is asked a question by his teacher... ""Do you know where the Empire State Building in New York is?"" The child answers, ""No I don't."" The teacher grows quite frantic, ""You're gonna have to go to the principals for this. So, as the child is in the office the principal asks him why he is there, ""I was sent by my teachers because I didn't know where the Empire State Building in New York is."" The principal gets scared and says, ""You need to go to court for this."" So,

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Hillary Clinton was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation two weeks ago in upstate New York. She spoke for almost an hour about her plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. She referred to her time as a U.S. Senator and how she had voted for every Native American issue that came to the floor of the Senate.   Although Hillary was vague about the details of her plans, she seemed most enthusiastic and spoke eloquently about her i

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Jesus and drugs Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did. Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: ""Who is it?"" ""It's Mark"" Jesus opens the door. ""What did you bring Mark?"" ""Marijuana from Colombia"" ""Very well s

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A Husband Store just opened in New York. A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance: ""You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!"" So, a woman goes to the Hu

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Your mother and I are getting a divorce after 45 years of marriage. An elderly man in Oklahoma calls his son in New York and says, ""I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 45 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!"" ""Dad, what are you talking about?"" the son yells. ""We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,"" the old dad explained. ""We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your

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Condemned By a Nun A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city's problems. Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, ""Listen sister, I work hard for my money

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I bet you didn't know... I bet you didn't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's Mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank. The peo

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A man wrestles a vicious dog to save a little girl... A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: ""You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: ""Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"" The man says: - ""But I am not a New Yorker!"

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The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, ''You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?'' The driver is understandably hesistant and says, ''I'm sorry, but I don't think I'm supposed to do that.'' But the pope persists, ''Please?'' The driver finally lets up. ''Oh, all right, I can't really say no to the pope.'' So the pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and go

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Two blondes were on a plane flying from London to New York An hour into the flight, a loud explosion was heard and the plane shook, alarming all the other passengers. After a few minutes, the captain announced ""One of our engines has malfunctioned. However, we have three engines left but that would mean that our flight would be an hour longer. Thank you for your patience"". Thirty minutes later, another boom was heard and captain announced ""One more engine has failed and the flight will be two

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A woman from Texas and a woman from New York meet at a party. The woman from Texas says to the woman from New York; ""Hi! Where y'all from?"" The woman from New York replies, ""Where I come from we don't end our sentences with prepositions..."" So the woman from Texas says, ""Fine! Where y'all from, BITCH?!"" A few minutes later, the woman from New York meets the woman from Texas' husband. She's steamed at the Texas broad, so she asks (in a verrrrrry suggestive voice) ""Is there anything I can d

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The Chinese guy that worked at the second-hand store. There was a chinese guy that wanted to work at a second-hand store in New York. But he couldn't really understand english. His boss said that the customer usually asks three questions. The questions and answers to these questions are usually: Q. HOW MUCH DOES THIS COST? A. Only 2 dollars Q. SHOULD I BUY IT? A. If you don't, somebody else will Q. OK I""LL BUY IT. A. Ok! On the chinese mans first day on the job, a robber came into the store and

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An Aer Lingus flight to New York takes off from Dublin... Shortly after takeoff the Senior Air Hostess speaks over the intercom, ""Ladies and gentlemen if I can have your attention for a moment. I regret to inform you that due to a mix up before takeoff, we do not have enough food for everyone on board. Our current stock is just 30 dinners. However we do have a fully stocked bar, so if anyone is willing to give up their dinner, we will happily supply them with alcoholic beverages, on the house,

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Mexican fisherman The American investment banker was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellow fin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, ""Only a little while."" The American then asked, ""Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?"" The Mexican said, ""With this I have more than enough to s

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