#matthew

And then the Lord said unto thee "any social media site besides Facebook asking for prayers shall go unanswered." Matthew 4:23

Matthew 28, John 20. Luke 24, Mark 21. That means Matthew and Luke will meet in the finals.

John 3:16. Matthew 3:17. Luke 3:18. It was a very close race.

My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

Letter from Scout Camp Dear Mom, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away.. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Ada…

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did. Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: ""Who is it?"" ""It's Mark"" Jesus opens the door. ""What did you bring Mark?"" ""Marijuana from Colombia"" ""Very well son, come in."" A…

What is matthew mcconaughey' least favorite part of interstellar? ""The girls get older, but he stays the same age"" -first attempt at a original joke (apologies if its a repost that I'm unaware of)

In light of hurricane Matthew A hurricane approaches Florida and evacuations begin as it will devastate the coast but one man decides to stay. He says to his neighbors ""I believe God will save me"". On the first day his floor is flooded and a little rowboat comes by and asks him if he wants to leave. He replies again ""God will save me"". The next day his house is flooded and he is on the roof. A small motorboat comes by but again ""God will save me"". The next day he can barely hold on to chim…

2016 Election Honestly hurricane Matthew should run for president because I think he left the biggest mark on the country

Letter home from summer camp Dear Mum & Dad, Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened. Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would…

The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!

Jesus and drugs Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did. Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: ""Who is it?"" ""It's Mark"" Jesus opens the door. ""What did you bring Mark?"" ""Marijuana from Colombia"" ""Very well s…

Matthew McConaughey's car can't make left turns. This is very dangerous. He should get that repaired

All blondes go to war to prove they are not stupid. They some how get a lot of guns and doing major damage. Hiding behind bushes and coming out and shooting people. Military came up with a strategy to get them out in the open. Since majority of blondes are named ""Matthew"" they would start yelling Matthew where ever the suspect it. Military yells Matthew and blonde man says ""what"" and he gets shot down. It worked every time. Soon they start loosing a lot of their men Blondes thought that ther…

Jesus called a meeting of the disciples in Heaven... ...When they all arrive he mentions that there is a massive drug problem on Earth and they need to find a way to rid the world of it. He suggests that they all go down to Earth, all over, and bring back samples of different drugs so they can examine them and figure out the best way to rid the world of the evils of their usage. They agree and off they go. Later that day there is a knock on the Jesus' door and he goes to answer it. ""Who is it?"…

Yo mama so old.. when she was young the hottest boygroup was Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.

chapter 7 verse 7 GUYs i saw a catholic sister last night and decided to give her a lift in my car. As the car was moving, then i placed my hand on the sister's laps pretending i was looking for the gear lever. The sister cast a glance at me and said; Mtcheew ""matthew chapter 7 verse 7"" and i quickly removed my hand. After short time,i placed my hand again on the sister's lap and the sister said to me again ""matthew 7 verse 7"" i nervously removed my hand. The sister reached her destination a…

CHRISTIAN DRUGS PreviousNext Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did. Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return. Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple: ""Who is it?"" ""It's Mark"" Jesus opens the door. ""What did you bring Mark?"" ""Marijuana from Colombia"" …

Gospel of Andrew: Jesus Appoints the 12 Disciples Jesus summoned His twelve disciples and gave them authority over unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal every kind of disease and every kind of sickness. Now the names of the twelve apostles are these: The first, Simon, who is called Peter, and Andrew his brother; and James the son of Zebedee, and John his brother; Philip and Bartholomew; Thomas and Matthew the tax collector; James the son of Alphaeus, and Judas Thaddaeus, Simon the Zealo…

Matthew 11, Luke 9 and John 12... ...are just three of the boys Father O'Reilly has to stay at least 50 yards from.

Jesus is hanging on the cross, but before he dies, he yells to one of his Apostles... ""Matthew! Matthew! Come to me, I have something I need to tell you."" Matthew is standing in the crowd, so he starts pushing everyone out of the way. ""Come quick, I do not have much time!"" Jesus yells. Matthew continues, and gets pretty beaten up on the way, but finally, he makes it up there to the cross. ""What is it?"" he asks. Jesus replies ""Look, look far out there in the distance..."" ""What? What is i…

Matthew 19:24 Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God. I figured out how to fit a camel through the eye of a needle... First, you need a camel...next, you need a helicopter...and then, you need a really, REALLY big needle!

atheists joke alert Matthew goes up to his friend Matt: hey man look at this new story book i made called the bible! Friends: aw sweet let me read it! *1 months later* Friend:This is some deep stuff man, but you know what would be funny? Matt: What? Friends: If people actually worshipped this stuff based on this book years from now. Matt: Nah, people can't be THAT stupid

A Roman Catholic priest, a Southern Baptist minister, and a Rabbi were all at a bar... They were all arguing over who could convert the most followers to his respective religion. A rather drunk man at the bar yells, ""Anyone can convert a person! It takes real skill to convert a bear!"" The three religious mean agree, and set out to prove who could most effectively convert a bear. They plan to meet one week later. A week later, they all return. The Roman Catholic priest is the first to speak up.…

A young man walks onto the stage of Stars in their Eyes, on crutches, with a plaster cast from his feet to his hips. Matthew Kelly Introduces him as Simon. ""It's very brave of you to come out here,"" says Matthew. ""Please tell the audience what happened."" ""Well,"" replies Simon, ""about a year ago, I ... Read more...