#afghanistan

some penguins also can't fly because of their previous statements on Hamas and Afghanistan

Afghanistan is just a regular ghanistan that's ghanistan af.

Just watched a heart-warming video of a soldier returning home from Afghanistan to his cat, who looks at him as if to say "Were you away?"

I've been to Iraq twice and Afghanistan once. Still not as scary as my ex's number popping up on my phone this morning.

Accountants have the toughest job in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

Why can't I get mobile reception in my house, yet a terrorist can upload his videos from a cave in Afghanistan?

Dear lady, $14 is crazy for an airport sandwich but complaining to the counter guy is like telling a cop to pull troops out of Afghanistan.

The genie Three guys, a Canadian, Osama Bin Laden and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. ""I will give each of you one wish, that's three wishes total,"" says the Genie. The Canadian says, ""I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."" With a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming. Osama Bin Laden was amazed, so he …

Three soldiers, one English, one French and one German, are captured by the Taliban in Afghanistan. Their captors take them to a mine field and tell them that if they can escape to the checkpoint on the other side, they are free to go. To do so they offer them each whatever transport they want to cross it. The Englishman chooses a Rover, solidly built enough to take a blow from a mine perhaps. He hits a mine and explodes. Dead. The Frenchman chooses a Renault, small and quick so it may be able t…

It's tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

Finding a striker Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson sends scouts out around the world looking for a new talent to hopefully win the title. One of his scouts informs him of a young Afghani striker who he thinks will turn out to be a true superstar. So Ferguson flies to Afghanistan to watch him and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come to Old Trafford. Two weeks later Man U are 4-0 down at home to Liverpool with only 20 minutes left to play. Ferguson gives the young Afghan the n…

What do Congressional Republicans and ISIS in Afghanistan have in common?. Their first act since arriving was to go after the elderly.

Why is it so hard to keep track of counting in Afghanistan? Because of the Taliban (say it out loud)

CNN & NBC news report (political humor) *Breaking news* A man has killed twenty people today in a walmart with a gun. The man has been identified as muhammed takbir muhammed. He is an unemployed son of a family that immigrated to the united states ten years ago from Afghanistan. Multiple witnesses say the man was yelling ""Allah Akbar"" and ""Death to Infidels"" while shooting people before police came and killed the man. It is troubling that the man was killed because without questioning hi…

The Browns' New QB The head coach of the Browns is looking for a new QB when he sees news footage of a man in Afghanistan. This man is fighting the Taliban and in the space of a few seconds, the coach sees him burst through a wooden barricade, knock down 10 armed soldiers, run 100 yards in 10 seconds, pick up a grenade laying on the ground, and throw it through an open window of an armored vehicle driving 75 yards away at 60 miles an hour, blowing it up and saving his village. The coach gets on …

New Officer in Camp A new Officer arrives in Afghanistan and is being shown around by a Sergeant. They walk by a donkey tied up in a pen and the officer asks what it's purpose is. The Sergeant explains ""The men use it when they have certain...urges. it gets very lonely out here"" The Officer looked a little disgusted but says that while he doesn't approve, he can understand. Six months go by and the Officer is getting urges himself and decides that he has to go use the donkey. Hes banging away,…

Soldier reintegrating into civilian life A military veteran is assimilating back to civilian life and begins applying for jobs. He puts in an application with the state hoping for a 9-5 office job with decent benefits. They call him in for an interview. The interviewer is looking over his application and asks him about his military service. ""Yessir,"" says the vet, ""I was stationed in Iraq and then Afghanistan before being honorably discharged."" ""Thank you for your service."" says the interv…

An Australian ventriloquist visiting Afghanistan, walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog. He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the villager ""can I talk to your dog?"" Villager: ""The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."" Ventriloquist: ""Hello dog, how's it going mate?"" Dog: ""Doin' all right."" Villager: (look of extreme shock) Ventriloquist: ""Is this villager your owner?"" (pointing at the villager) Dog: ""Yep"" Ventriloquist: ""How do…

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon... When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says I'm giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.' He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket. The Frenchman and the Afghani man think giving things to their countries is a wonderful idea. They set course for France where the Frenchma…

An Afghan, upon landing at Islamabad Airport, introduced himself to a Pakistan Immigration Officer, as Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping of Afghanistan. The surprised Pakistani Officer asked:""But there is no sea in Afghanistan. How can you be the Ex-Minister of Ports & Shipping.?"" The Afghan replied: ""Wallah ya Habibi, don't you have a Minister for Law & Justice in Pakistan.?""

Veteran applies for a government job A military veteran is assimilating back to civilian life and begins applying for jobs. He puts in an application with the state hoping for a 9-5 office job with decent benefits. They call him in for an interview. The interviewer is looking over his application and asks him about his military service. ""Yessir,"" says the vet, ""I was stationed in Iraq and then Afghanistan before being honorably discharged."" ""Thank you for your service."" says the interviewe…

In America saying you're the bomb is a compliment but... In Afghanistan it's a question.

""Bang Bang"" Timmy and Johnny grew up together, side by side Only a year apart in age They love to play with fake plastic guns ""Bang Bang"" is all you'd hear for hours as they played Cowboys and Indians to cops and robbers Their love for guns evolved from using their fingers as babies, to plastic toys as toddlers. From Nerf arsenals and paintball as children to airsoft and pellet guns in their teens It was in high school when the boys decided they wanted to make a difference in the communit…

Barbara Walters was doing a story on gender roles in Afghanistan She noted that women customarily walked 10 feet behind their husbands Impressed she approached one of the Afghani women and said, ""This is marvellous! What a nice gesture of respect to a husband. Is there any specific reason to this custom?"" The lady whispered, ""Land Mines""

ISIS is threatening us again. ISIS has officially warned the United States that if the United States continues meddling in Syria, Egypt, Libya, Iran and Afghanistan, they intend to cut off America's supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers. If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T, and AOL customer service reps. Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened not to send us any more presidents. It's gonna get ugly, people...