#ireland

Fun Fact: I love it when Americans whose Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Grandfather emigrated from Ireland say "I'm Irish". No.

Just for fun they should have the next Olympics in Ireland so they can call it the O'lympics.

St. Patrick's Day may just be an excuse to drink, but then again so is Ireland.

News: Ireland has now legalized ecstasy, meth, and mushrooms due to an unexpected legal loophole. In other news: I have a plane to catch.

Breaking News. Apple is to buy Ireland to solve the debt problem. It will be rebranded iLand

Another Irish Joke All these Irish jokes reminded me of one of my favorites: A Catholic foreigner is walking down a street at night in Ireland when a man grabs him and holds a knife to his neck. The assailant yells, ""Are ye Protestant er Catholic?"" Terrified, the man thinks to himself, *if lie and tell him I'm Protestant, he may very well be Catholic. But if I tell the truth and say I'm Catholic, there's a large chance he'll be Protestant!* So the man says, ""Jewish"" The assailant grins and s…

The Alzheimer Society of Ireland is commemorating 30 years this year... ...or is it 40?

Mick and Paddy on the quiz show Two irishmen called Mick and Paddy go to UK s quiz show Mastermind in hopes of showing how smart they are. Mick goes to the chair, while Paddy sits with the audience. In comes the show s host Magnus Magnusson: *Magnus*: ""what is your choice of subject?"" *Mick*: ""Irish history"". *Magnus*: ""First question- when was the Battle of the Boyne fought?"" There is a long silence while the crowd awaits the answer. *Mick*: ""Pass"". *Magnus*: ""Second question- When was…

Recycling is important... I went to the bar last night. I saw two rather large ladies having a great time. They seemed to be speaking in an Irish accent. I sauntered over and asked them ""Are you ladies from Ireland?"" They responded, ""It's Wales, you idiot!"" I apologized immediately and said ""Are you whales from Ireland?"" I don't remember much after that. I woke up as a marine biologist!

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, ""I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."" The other guy responds proudly, ""Yes, that I am!"" The first guy says, ""So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?"" The other guy answers, ""I'm from Dublin, I am."" The first guy responds, ""Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"" The other guy says, ""A lovely little a…

What's your name?"", asked the teacher. ""Mohammad,"" he replied. ""You're in Ireland now,"" replied the teacher, ""So from now on you will be known as Mike."" Mohammad returned home after school. ""How was your day, Mohammad?"", his mother asked. ""My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike"". ""Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"" And his mother beat the shit out of him. Then she called his fat…

Paddy and Mick see a sign Walking down the road in Ireland, Paddy and Mick see a sign see a sign saying ""Tree Fellers Wanted"". Paddy sighs and says, ""It's a shame Ryan wasn't with us, we could have gone for that job!"".

two men are sitting in a bar One of them looks at the other and says ""you look familiar... whe're you from?"" The second man replies ""Ireland"" The first man look astonished and says "" No way I'm from Ireland me self , what a small world!"" The second man then looks at the first ""What city?"" The first man says ""Doublin?"" The second man looks astonished ""No way I'm from doublin me self ! What a small world"" The first man looks at the second man ""What school you go to?"" The second man r…

Did you guys hear that Ireland has the fastest growing economy in the world? Yeah, their capital is always Dublin

The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk....... Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Wales for quite cheap. So, they brought the cow over from Wales . It was absolutely wonderful and it produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They later bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, so they'd never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow wo…

When it gets cold in Ireland, we all sit round a candle. And when it gets REALLY cold, we light it.

Jimmy Saville, Rolf Harris and Stuart Hall walk into a pub in Ireland The barman says ""Not Yewtree again""

The population of Ireland keeps expanding exponentially It just keeps Dublin and Dublin

Once upon a time in a bar I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, ""Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?"" One of them snarled at me, ""It's Wales, dumbo!"" So I corrected myself, ""Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?"" That's about as far as I remember.

An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon... When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says I'm giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.' He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket. The Frenchman and the Afghani man think giving things to their countries is a wonderful idea. They set course for France where the Frenchma…

Irish Nessie Over in Ireland, in a lake near Dublin, thay have their own Nessie. It's a monster that likes to ring doorbells. It's a knock-less monster.

What's the difference between Ireland and America? When we say waterboarding in Ireland it means surfing.

Why is everyone investing in Ireland? ... because the capital is always Dublin!

A guy walks into a bar and takes a seat next to another guy. The first guy says, ""That's a familiar accent you got there, where ya from?"" The other guy says ""I'm Irish"". First guy says ""I'm Irish too! Where did you live in Ireland?"" The second guy says ""Dublin"". First guy:""Me too! When did you graduate?"" SG:""1978. What about you?"" FG:""I graduated in '78 too. Where'd you go to school?"" SG:""Saint Mary's. and you?"" FG""I went to Saint Mary's too!"" About that time, a new person walk…

a joke for dumb people okay dont kill me just yet lol okay okay a Jewish mom goes soccer league in Ireland and she says ""excuse me sir do you know where i can get a soccer player from?"" then the irish man says ""no ma'am you dont buy them you watch them play fut ball"" and the jewish mom says ""well my irene i need to kidnap one then and make them my husband"" then an soccer player comes up to her and gives her a beer and makes her play soccer. an hour later she got on the soccer team and ever…