#mick

Home Loan Troubles So one day Kermit the frog decides that he wanted to buy this new condo by the beach. He goes into the nearest bank and strolls up to the counter. In front of him there was this teller with name badge blaring ""Paddywhack"". Kermit says ""I want a loan"". She goes through usual procedure then asks him about a deposit. He places this little tiny china elephant on the bench and says ""Here's my deposit, give me a loan"". The teller replies ""I'm sorry that's really not good enou…

Irish hunters Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, The pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. ""Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours."" Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down. A few moments a…

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose..... With some luck they managed to bag Six. As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only Four moose. The two lads objected strongly. ""Last year we shot six as well! The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours!?!"" Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while at…

The Irish Millionaire Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. ""You've done very well so far,"" said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, ""but for a million Euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"" ""Sure,"" said Mick. ""I'll have a go!"" ""Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow b) Thrush, c) Magpie,…

Unemployment Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's and both were laid off. So they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, ""Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties and thongs."" The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him 80 a week unemployment pay. Mick was next and when asked his occupation, he replied,""Diesel fitter."" Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the cl…

Mick and Paddy on the quiz show Two irishmen called Mick and Paddy go to UK s quiz show Mastermind in hopes of showing how smart they are. Mick goes to the chair, while Paddy sits with the audience. In comes the show s host Magnus Magnusson: *Magnus*: ""what is your choice of subject?"" *Mick*: ""Irish history"". *Magnus*: ""First question- when was the Battle of the Boyne fought?"" There is a long silence while the crowd awaits the answer. *Mick*: ""Pass"". *Magnus*: ""Second question- When was…

Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blonde walks by and asked them what they were doing. Paddy replied, 'We're supposed to be finding the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.' The blonde took out an adjustable spanner from her bag, loosened a few bolts and laid the flagpole down. She got a tape measure out of her pocket, took a few measurements, and announced that it was 18 feet 6 inches. Then, she walked off. Mick said to Paddy, 'Isn't that just l…

Paddy and Mick see a sign Walking down the road in Ireland, Paddy and Mick see a sign see a sign saying ""Tree Fellers Wanted"". Paddy sighs and says, ""It's a shame Ryan wasn't with us, we could have gone for that job!"".

The three stuttering Irishmen.. A very attractive young female speech pathologist was presented with three young Irishmen, all of whom stuttered. She spent many long hours working with them both individually and as a group. She tried everything in the book. Finally, totally perplexed by their lack of progress she called them all together one day. ""Paddy, Mick, Sean. I am at my wits end. I am willing to make you this bargain. If any of you, ANY of you can say the name of the town where he was bo…

Robert Plant, Paul McCartney, and Mick Jagger convene once a year to discuss all the great foods they've found travelling the globe on tour. Robert is the first to excited reveal his 'big find'. He takes out a little pie tray from a brown paper bag and places it on the table. ""It's a pastry of some kind from Tanzania. It's akin to what we call a quiche, but uses yak cheese and quail eggs instead!"" ""Fascinating"" says Paul, who is next to present his favourite foreign food to the group. He pul…

Paddy walks into a bar.... and orders his usual. As he's pouring out the Guiness, the bartender notices that Paddy looks distraught. Worried about his best customer, the bartender asks, ""What's the matter, Paddy? You're looking glum"". Paddy responds with a sigh and sips his Guiness. After a minute, Paddy tells the bartender the source of his dispair. ""I lost my best mate Mick today you see"", says Paddy. ""Oh dear Paddy. If you don't mind me asking, how did it happen?"" asked the bartender. P…

A kid is attending a WWE Event and meets The Hardcore Legend, Mick Foley. The kid tells Mick Foley about how he is a victum of abuse and how his father beats him everyday. Saddened by this story, Mick offers to cheer the kid up and talk to him backstage. After the kid tells him the story again, Mick says Mick Foley: ""Gee, i'm awfully sorry to hear that"". After a short pause the kid says ""You know who i'd really like to be my father?"" Mick Foley replies with ""Who?"" hoping the kid would say …

Jimmy Hendrix, Eric Clapton, and Mick Jagger are walking along the beach in Morocco... Jimmy trips over something in the sand and looks down to see a golden lamp. He picks it up and *POOF* out pops a genie. The genie looks at the men and says ""I will grant you each one wish for freeing me from the lamp!"" Hendrix goes first. ""I wish for a diamond the size of my head!"" He exclaims. The genie nods his head and *POOF* a huge diamond appears in Hendrix's hands. Clapton gets excited and says, ""I …

Mick Jagger was awarded for his lifetime achievement in music industry for over 55 years. He didn't have a date to the ceremony so Kate Moss, who was a huge fan of Mick, volunteered to be with him for the night. It was decided that he'll pick her up from her hotel. On the evening of the ceremony Mick didn't pick her up and went straight to the ceremony alone. Apparently a rolling stone gathers no moss.

Biggest C##t competition Paddy and Mick talking in the pub, Mick says 'you are a cunt, you've always been a cunt and you always will be a cunt, everything about you makes you a cunt, an utter cunt and complete cunt. In fact if you entered a cunt competition you'd come 2nd' Paddy says 'why wouldn't I come first?' Mick replies '...because you're a cunt...'

Two Irishmen are going out for a drink... It was Friday night, and Mick and Seamus were trying to figure out where to go. ""I know!"" says Seamus, ""There's this great pub across town we ought to try."" ""What's so great about it?"" asks Mick. ""Well, when you first walk in the door, they give you a free drink. They you go upstairs for a free shag. When you get back downstairs, you can have another free drink. Then it's back upstairs for another free shag. You can go on all night, drinking for f…

Paddy the Irishman dies in a horrific fire and his corpse needs to be identified So the coroner brings in paddys two best friends, Mick and Joe. Mick goes in and tries to identify the mangled corpse, mick says ""turn him over"", the coroner does. Mick says ""ahh jaysus no, that's not paddy"". So the coroner brings in Joe, Joe goes in, says to the coroner ""turn him over"", he does it again, Joe says ""no, thats not paddy"". At this point the coroner is visibly confused and asks Joe why, Joe says…

What's the difference between Mick Jagger (the Rolling Stones) and a Scotsman? (I heard this a long time ago and all apologies to peeps of Scotland and to Mick et al) What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsmand? To Mick it's ""Hey, hey, you, you, get off of my cloud."" And to a Scotsman it's, ""Hey McCloud! Get off of my ewe.""

Roid sage Paddy says to Mick... ""Them steroids are nasty things Michael - in fact I heard only last week that they can have some odd side effects - from severe headaches to actually growing an extra willy! Would you believe that - an extra willy!"" ""Anabolic?"" asks Mick ""No"" said Paddy ""Just a willy....

Two Irishmen were working for the city public works department. Paddy would dig a hole and Mick would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, Paddy digging a hole, and Mick filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked Paddy, ""I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting into your work…

Two Irish fellas staggering home from the pub one night.... They're walking past the bus depot and Paddy says to Mick, ""Mick, jump in there and steal a bus, we're far too drunk to be walking home"". Mick disappears into the bus depot, and 20mins later still no sign of Mick or a stolen bus. Paddy goes off to look for him. Paddy finds Mick wandering round the bus depot looking confused, ""What ye doing there Mick, I thought I told ye to get us a bus"". Mick says, ""Aye, but there's no No.42 Paddy…

A Mick and Wop walk into a sub shop One orders the Italian, the other orders a filthy stinking drunk.

Mick at the Sawmill Seamus and Mick found jobs at a sawmill when they arrived in America. One morning after wetting his whistle, Mick slipped and sliced his arm clean off. Seamus quickly placed Mick's arm in a plastic bag and rushed him to the hospital. The next day, Seamus was shocked to see Mick back on the job. ""It healed up nice and quick!"" beamed Mick. A week later, Mick drank too much again and severed his leg. Seamus ran over, bagged the leg, and rushed Mick to the hospital. Unbelievabl…

is that your final answer Mick, from Dublin , appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards the end of the program had already won 500,000 euros. ""You've done very well so far,"" said Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter, ""but for a million euros you've only got one life-line left, phone a friend. Everything is riding on this question. Will you go for it?"" ""Sure,"" said Mick. ""I'll have a go!"" ""Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? a) Sparrow... b) Thrush, c) …

Paddy has a broken leg... And his friend Mick has to help him out. One day he says, ""Mick, can you get my slippers? They're upstairs."" Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's two twin daughters there and says, ""Your father asked me to have **[CENSORED]** with you."" ""What? Yeah, go on them, prove it!"" So Mick goes to the top of the stairs, ""Both of them Paddy?"" To which Paddy angrily replies, ""Of course both of them, what's the use with **[CENSORED]** one?""