#ryan

[red carpet] "So Ryan, who are u with tonight?" Ryan Gosling [proudly] "My parents" [two geese in black tie nervously shuffle to his side]

At midnight, thousands of people will be at Times Square to witnesss Ryan Seacrest's balls drop.

[Chased by cops on foot] *Turns corner and lays DVD of The Notebook on floor* *Cops get lost in Ryan Gosling's eyes* *Makes clean getaway*

TRUMP: I'm gonna lose, huh? RYAN: Yes. [silence] TRUMP: Thank God. RYAN: I know TRUMP: I'd be SO bad at it RYAN: We literally all might die

Pretty cool how Ryan Gosling's dad was Ryan Goose.

Paddy and Mick see a sign Walking down the road in Ireland, Paddy and Mick see a sign see a sign saying ""Tree Fellers Wanted"". Paddy sighs and says, ""It's a shame Ryan wasn't with us, we could have gone for that job!"".

Ryan Lochte's first draft of his apology statement... ""Hi guys, my bad. Apologies to the people of Argentina. Jeah!""

Ryan had to go potty real bad, but the door to the potty was Lochte.

Two second graders are fishing in the middle of a field Ryan and Andrew see two second graders in a fishing boat in the middle of a field. They cast out their rods, reel in, and just pull up grass. Ryan says to Andrew, ""Man, look at those second graders out there. They're not going to catch anything!"" Andrew replies, ""Yeah, think we should go and tell em'?"" Ryan then says, ""Sure... but we don't have a boat to go out there!""

Cracking walnuts A young boy says to his mother, ""Mommy, why would Daddy crack walnuts and feed them to Mrs. Gilroy?"" The mother responded, ""That's silly, Ryan. Why would you even ask a question like that?"" Ryan said, ""Because I heard Daddy telling Uncle Eric that he busted a nut in Mrs. Gilroy's mouth and that she was begging for more.""

Speech recognizer I messed around with my speech recognition service by saying a phrase, then saying what the service interpreted my speech as, and so on. Original: (2E,4E,6E,8E)-3,7-Dimethyl-9-(2,6,6-trimethyl-1-cyclohexen-1-yl)-2,4,6,8-nonatetraen-1-ol 1.to see what is the new severn samsung 92660 tramadol 1xn 10246 8988 ryan one of 2. to see what is the new samsung 92660 tramadol 17102 4988 ryan 10 3. to see what is the new samsung 90660 tramadol 17102 4988 friend 10 4. to see what is the sam…

My wife was getting freaky.. ... And she kept screaming 'Harder, Ryan!'. And that kind of made me mad, since my name is Leonard.

Topical Jokes (5/23) Back again to deliver some fresh Thursday chuckles or smirks. Let's check what's in the news. First up, Kim Kardashian is now taking her final trip to Paris before giving birth. It is there she hopes to market a newly refined marbled brie made from her lactated tit squirts called ""Yeezy Cheezy"". Next, as if we hadn't heard enough about Anthony Weiner already. Weiner's NYC mayoral campaign has already brought up more worries of election scandal - like if he carefully stuffs…

One sunny Saturday morning... Joe and his buddy Ryan decide to go golfing. Joe was setting up his tee when a funeral procession drove by on the nearby road. Joe immediately took off his hat, and stood perfectly still until the procession had passed. Ryan said ""Joe, that's one of the most respectful things I've ever seen."" Joe responds, ""Well, we were married for 35 years after all.""

I was Jesus last time! A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.' Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, Ryan , you be Jesus !'

Little Ryan and Candice are only 10 years old but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Ryan goes to Candice's father to ask him for her hand. Ryan bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith, me and Candice are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage." Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replies, "Well Ryan, you are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think about it Ryan r…

Be first A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

My girlfriend always takes long baths after we finish watching a Ryan gosling movie I don't know what she's doing in there

What does an Asian call their pet lion? Ryan

Two gay men are on a plane..... Their names were Justin and Ryan

Little Ryan and Candice are only 10 years old but they know they are in love.

What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan

Did you hear about Ryan Seacrest's beard? Apparently she's a former Miss Teen USA.

Fastest Bolt at the Olympics? Was it Usain Bolt or Ryan Lochte's ride to the airport?