#usa

USA lose graciously to Belgium in the World Cup. Obama says no hard feelings & any drones heading towards Belgium are nothing to worry about

The USA should invade the USA and win the hearts and minds of the population by building roads, bridges and putting locals to work.

UK - We call it Autumn, from the French word "autompne" and later, the Latin "autumnus" USA - WE CALL IT FALL BECAUSE LEAF FALL DOWN

UK: we call them films, after the traditional recording process using photographic film USA: WE CALL THEM MOVIES BECAUSE THEM PHOTOS MOVE

USA: "Hey nachos, today's your big day!" Nachos: "What about Cinco de Mayo?" USA: "What'd you just say?" Nachos: "Nothing."

"USA is #1! USA is #1!" me explaining international dialing codes

[2019 USA] "Where are you from?" -Trumpsylvania, how about you? "North Trumpkota"

The recent fake excitement of soccer in the U.S. confirms my belief that Americans will pretend to like anything they can scream USA about.

You can now buy candy unwrapped and avoid any effort at all to eat it. USA! USA!

UK: Hey u ok USA: What UK: I saw what happened USA: Im fine, nothing happened Canada: Hey I know what I said before but you can't stay over

Sucks the USA lost. Now we can't keep watching TV at work.

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you'd almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

England vs USA. Loser gets New Jersey.

Build a barricade?! Crap, I thought you said build a bear arcade. Those bears are gonna be pissed when I tell them no more Cruis'n USA.

I'm a little surprised team USA can't find a goalie fat enough to block the entire net.

Dear USA: Having seen most of your potential candidates, please ditch elections and try the sword-in-the-stone method of choosing a leader.

Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!

My dad called to ask if sending an email to the USA costs more. I told him a LOT more, better not risk it

USA: "Hey, Canada, can you hold this for a second?" Canada: "OK." *USA hands Detroit to Canada* *USA quickly walks away.*

If you think the USA can shoot down nuclear missiles fired by North Korea just remember we couldn't even have lights at the Super Bowl.

Just got back in the USA, I heard something about a party here? I don't know, there's a song about it and everything.

Hi, my name is USA, and I am... addicted to starting wars in Muslim countries. This is my first meeting and I'm a little nervous.

Dammit Springsteen, I was born in the USA too but you don't see me making millions in monthly residuals from a 20 year old song about it.

PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!

Best submarine As the Cold War is ending, peacetalks are being held between the USA and the USSR. Two sailors, one Soviet and one US, are sharing cigarettes and are looking at the grand show of military power from a nearby pier. The American boast about the US navy: (with a thick Texan accent) **""Our submarines are state of the art and can stay submerged for weeks at a time! There is nothing that you reds could do about it!""** The soviet sailor replies: (in heavily accented English) *""HA! Our…