Nice try, Team USA. Not bad for a country that only cares about soccer for two weeks every other year!

Dear USA: Having seen most of your potential candidates, please ditch elections and try the sword-in-the-stone method of choosing a leader.

I'm a little surprised team USA can't find a goalie fat enough to block the entire net.

Build a barricade?! Crap, I thought you said build a bear arcade. Those bears are gonna be pissed when I tell them no more Cruis'n USA.