#usa

Obama goes to an elementary school to talk to the kids... Obama goes to an elementary school to talk to the kids to get a little PR. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and Obama asks him his name. "" Stanley ,"" responds the little boy. ""And what is your question, Stanley ?"" ""I have 4 questions: First, why did the USA Bomb Libya without the support of Congress? Second, why are you President when John McCain got more votes? Third, whatever happened to Osama…

A Russian in the USA A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, ""Thank you Mr. American for letting me come into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, and a free education!"" The passerby says, ""You are mistaken, I am a Mexican."" The man goes on and encounters another passerby. ""Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ."" The person says, ""I not American, I Viet…

Large tsunami hits Mexico - 300k were killed... ...Canada sends money, Brazilia sends food, USA sends 300k mexicans.

My favorite blonde joke -Source: I don't remember where I first saw it, but when I googled it coolblondejokes.com got first result One day a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb. They begged: ""Ask any of us any question, and we will show you that we're not dumb."" The group caught the attention of a passer by, who volunteered to ask them some questions. He climbed up on a car and randomly picked a blonde out of the crowd. She got up on the car too and …

To the citizens of the USA from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. In the light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA, and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except …

I don't think it's called USA anymore, but DSA... The Divided States of America.

Three chinese men named Hu, Fu and Chu come to the USA to live the American Dream Chu calls himself Chuck and opens a dry cleaning business. Hu calls himself Huck and opens a dollar store. Just Fu goes back to China disappointedly.

What's the difference between a regular product and a fancy one? The regular one says ""Made in China"". The fancy one says ""Designed in the USA. Made in China.""

I don't think Santa would be able to visit USA this year! After all, Donald Trump hates them with beards!

Trump, Pena Nieto and Putin come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. ""I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total,"" says the Genie. Pena Nieto, the President of Mexico says, ""I was a miner, my dad was a miner, and my son will also mine. I want the land to be forever filled with minerals and oil in Mexico."" With a blink of the Genies eye, ""FOOM,"" the land in Mexico was forever filled to the brink with rare resources. Trump was amazed, but he already made up his mind, "…

There once was a family of 5 from China. Their names were Hu, Fu, Bu, Su and Chu. They wanted to move to the USA so they had to americanize their names. Hu became Huck, Bu became Buck, and Chu became Chuck. Fu and Su stayed in China.

Kids first day at school! It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty , or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up:?'Patrick Henry, 1775'he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no res…

UK and USA are in a contest to destroy themselves. The UK edged ahead with Brexit, but the US just played their trump card.

I have this strange feeling that the current VP of the USA is going to do something ridiculous to Pence But he is just Biden his time

Congratulations USA We have officially gone black and gone back.

M&Ms Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the ""loser,"" and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue one…

On a ship A captain and a rich man were talking in a cabin of a very large yacht. 'I had one of these yachts once,' the rich man told the captain. 'Sold it?' the captain asked. 'No. I wanted to show my parents that I appreciated how they brought me up in life and how they helped me become the prosperous man today, so I let them stay on it and have a week in the USA where the yacht was going.' 'Is that so? So what happened to the yacht then?' 'It sunk in the middle of the Atlantic. I hadn't made …

In the past, U.S.A. has had for president..... Bush senior, Bush junior and now Bush groper.

Trump is not going to be president of the USA for long He will leave the country for a younger and more beautiful one.

""If Trump wins I'm moving to Canada"" So people fleeing their country from political crisis isn't OK unless it's the USA...

US follows Britain BRITAIN: ""Hey, America, watch this!"" *BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE* USA: ""Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?""

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade... The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?'' Again, no response except from Chandr…

Indian student's first day in US School It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, ""Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: Chandrasekhar :- 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Teacher :- Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the Peo…

An Indian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He goes first to the German hell and asks ""What do they do here?"" He is told ""First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."" The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on. He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discov…

On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back ... ... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.