#grant

Bad news, I won the McArthur idiot grant, now I owe them a millions dollars

"Its odd how the Church just lets pedophile's grant forgiveness" Anyway...thats why I'm not allowed in Confession anymore.

Someone is yelling! The voice is familiar... How they rave and they rant! Is it Jackman? Or, Laurie? Hefner or Grant? - Horton Hears a Hugh

M&Ms Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the ""loser,"" and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue one…

Christopher Columbus was the first economist. When he left on his voyage, he was not sure where he was headed to. When he got there, he was not sure where he had ended up. And it was all done on a government grant.

A Baptist missionary was walking in Africa when he heard the ominous padding of a lion behind him. ""Oh Lord"" prayed the missionary ""Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."" And then in the silence that followed the missionary heard the lion praying too: ""Oh Lord"" he prayed ""I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive.""

Q. How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb? A. Hell you need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

A group of goose biologists were meeting to brainstorm about the migration tactics of Canada geese. They were particularly interested in applying for a $100000 Federal grant to investigate the ""V"" formation of goose flight. It had been observed that one side of the ""V"" is always longer than the other side. This group would put together a research proposal to apply for the $100000 grant and hopefully find out why this happens. To start off the discussion Todd the Consulting Firm Biologist sta…

Q: What do you get when you cross a Pentium PC with a research grant? A: A mad scientist.

What do you get when you cross an orca with a housecat? An angry ethics committee and your grant revoked.

What do you call a man who gives students money? Grant

I met a genie once. He gave me one wish. I said “I wish I could be you.” The genue saud, "weurd wush but U wull grant ut."

Which president was famous for his long pauses? Ellipsis S. Grant.

What do you get when you cross a cat and a wild boar? Revocation of your grant money and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee.

What one noun, verb, and US President sums up a scientist's hopes and fears? Grant.

Bill Gates bumped into Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. Gates said: "I've seen some fabulous pictures of Divine Brown lately, I'd really like to get together with her some time. Any chance you could fix me up?" Grant said: "You have to remember that ever since that unfortunate incident with me, her prices have rocketed." "Money's no object," said Gates. "Now, what's her number?" So Gates phoned Divine Brown and set up a date. Afterwards, as they lay on the bed together, he turned to her and mumb…