Bill Gates bumped into Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. Gates said: "I've seen some fabulous pictures of Divine Brown lately, I'd really like to get together with her some time. Any chance you could fix me up?" Grant said: "You have to remember that ever since that unfortunate incident with me, her prices have rocketed." "Money's no object," said Gates. "Now, what's her number?" So Gates phoned Divine Brown and set up a date. Afterwards, as they lay on the bed together, he turned to her and mumbled breathlessly: "Now I know why you chose the name Divine." She replied: "And sadly now I know why you chose the name Microsoft." I'm just not good with computers. I had to call up the tech support guy to get some help with my home computer. He started asking me questions, 'What kind of operating system have you got there, sir?' 'Uh, electricity, I think. Yeah, I've been plugging into my wall. I've been having some luck with that.' Jeff Caldwell Twenty-five years ago there were no computers. Can you imagine your job without . . . solitaire? Wendy Liebman