#putin

Reports are now emerging from Russia that Putin rode the meteorite while shirtless, steering it away from a box of kittens.

Guys who are enemies of Putin seem to have the worst luck.

Putin: I have returned Russia to its glory days, once again we have launched a dog into space Reporter: when will it return Putin: WHat

Putin takes over entire world while everybody searches for the missing plane.

Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all "Russia".

Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.

[CIA] -We need you to kill the leader of Russia. "I'll be Putin a bullet in his head. Carl Marx my words!" -Alright! Who invited PunMan?!

Slightly more modern Russian joke Putin is visiting a big factory for a photo op, and he decides to get the opinions of the common man. He walks up to one of the line workers and says, ""My friend, I hear alcoholism is a big problem in Russia. Tell me, do you think you could still do your job if you drank a bottle of vodka in the morning?"" The worker thinks and says, ""Well... I suppose so."" Putin frowns because that wasn't the answer he was expecting, but presses on: ""Do you think you could …

A condom joke (xpost from todayilearned) ""Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: ""Our largest condom factory has exploded,"" the Russian President cried. ""My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"" ""Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,"" replied the President. ""I do need your help"" said Putin. ""Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over…

Johnson is a janitor for a big international company. One day, as Johnson is sweeping the floors in the lobby of the main headquarters for the company, George Bush enters the building as he has a meeting with the CEO. He meets the CEO in the lobby but before entering the conference room, he greets Johnson, ""Heeey Johnson! Nice to see you buddy!"" After the meeting, the CEO approaches Johnson and asks ""Hey, how do you know mr Bush?"" ""Oh, we go golfing some times. He's a pretty nice guy"". The…

Vladimir Putin, Fidel Castro and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train.. Fidel Castro, Vladimir Putin, and the Oort Cloud are riding on a train. Fidel Castro pulls an expensive Cuban cigar out of his pocket, lights it, and then throws it out the window after only a few puffs. Vladimir Putin and the Oort Cloud are both surprised by this and ask ""what are you doing, Fidel? That's an expensive cigar!"" To which Castro responds, ""in your country/post-heliopausal region perhaps, but in my country th…

In all fairness, Trump can't release his tax returns At least not until Putin sends him his W2s.

So what if Putin fudged election So ve it

My gassy dog might be the leader of Russia... ...because she is always Putin.

NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil.

Classic jokes modified to Donald Trump and Putin One day while walking through the countryside the President of Russia discovered an old lamp. He started to polish it and out came a genie who told him that for freeing him from the lamp he would grant him one wish. Putin thought for a minute before declaring, ""I am a poor simple man with simple needs, therefore I wish that Putin pee vodka!"" The Genie exclaimed that Putin's wish was granted and disappeared in a poof of smoke. Putin runs home and…

Someone told me Trump is in bed with Russia. And that someone is Putin it in.

What did Trump say to Putin after he got elected? Well, Vladimir, urine for a real treat the next four years.

Obama and Putin have a discussion.. Putin: Let's just talk about this man to man.. Obama: Ok one moment, let me get Michelle. My uncle told it much better but I can't remember how he said it. Feel free to repost it if you can format it better.

Donald Trump, Vladimir Putin and Kathleen Wynn, all die and go to hell.(Ontario Joke) While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth. Putin calls Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he was finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a cheque.. Next Donald Trump calls the U.S. and talks for 30 minutes. When he's finished the devil informs him that the cost is 6 million dollars, so Tr…

I'm glad we finally have a strong leader I mean Putin has how many years of experience? The states are in good Russian hands.

Trump and Putin decide theyre going to decide WW3 with a Dog Fight So they agree on coming back in a couple of years after training a dog for the occasion and rather than wasting millions of human lives and countless dollars they agree that the winner of the dog fight is the offical winner of WW3. Some time passes and they meet up again. Putin shows up with a mean looking Russian Shepard all muscle and just foaming with rage and hatred. Trump walks in with a long cage and opens it to reveal a 7f…

Trump, Pena Nieto and Putin come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it. ""I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total,"" says the Genie. Pena Nieto, the President of Mexico says, ""I was a miner, my dad was a miner, and my son will also mine. I want the land to be forever filled with minerals and oil in Mexico."" With a blink of the Genies eye, ""FOOM,"" the land in Mexico was forever filled to the brink with rare resources. Trump was amazed, but he already made up his mind, "…

What's a russian's favorite golf club? A putin wedge.

Donald Trump, Barack Obama and Putin walk into a bar.. and walk out after having a drink. What else did you expect they would do in a bar?