#president-putin

A condom joke (xpost from todayilearned) ""Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: ""Our largest condom factory has exploded,"" the Russian President cried. ""My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"" ""Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,"" replied the President. ""I do need your help"" said Putin. ""Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over…

Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency... ""Our largest condom factory has exploded,"" the Russian President cried. ""My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"" ""Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you,"" replied the President. ""I do need your help"" said Putin. ""Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms as soon as possible to tide us over?"" ""Why certainly! I'll get right on it…

Breaking News! President Putin have decided to restore Crimea territory to Ukraine. But President Poroshenko was so drunk and just declined the offer.

bear hug Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit meeting in Moscow. During a break, they're bored, and they decide to take a bet to see whose bodyguards are more loyal. Putin is on the 20th floor and calls on his bodyguard Ivan, opens the window, and says: ""Ivan, jump!"" Sobbing, Ivan says: ""Mr. President, how can you ask me to do that? I have a wife and child waiting for me at home..."" Putin sheds a tear himself, apologizes to Ivan, and sends him away. Next, it's Kim Jong Il's tur…

North Korea Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit meeting in Moscow. During a break, they're bored, and they decide to take a bet to see whose bodyguards are more loyal. Putin is on the 20th floor and calls on his bodyguard Ivan, opens the window, and says: ""Ivan, jump!"" Sobbing, Ivan says: ""Mr. President, how can you ask me to do that? I have a wife and child waiting for me at home..."" Putin sheds a tear himself, apologizes to Ivan, and sends him away. Next, it's Kim Jong Il's …

A guy walks in to a restroom..... and sees president Obama and president Putin at the urinal talking. The guy: what are you talking about? Obama: How we are going to start world war 3. Putin: Our idea is that we kill 50.000 Ukrainians and an it-consultant. The guy: why an it-consultant? Putin says to Obama. Ha, told you no one would care about the Ukrainians!

President Putin say's he is doing everything he can to wipe out Aids Researchers. (What too soon?)

Three men are training to be Vladimir Putin's bodyguards The training course is exhausting and incredibly challenging. On their last day of training, the instructor separates the three and and puts them in separate rooms, calling them one by one into the Presidential hallway. "Sergeant Andreyev, come into the hallway." "Yes, sir!" Andreyev marched into the hallway. "Sergeant, behind that door is President Putin. He is alone and undefended. On the table is a gun. You are to shoot him and …

A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling “The president is an idiot “ Police surround him and handcuff him. They say “it is illegal to insult President Putin” He says “You don’t understand I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky, he is the one I was insulting “ The police captain says “you can’t fool us, everyone knows who the idiot is”

President Putin and his driver were on their way to Kyiv and they suddenly hit a pig near a farmhouse, killing it instantly. Putin told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later, Putin sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of Horilka (Ukrainian vodka) in one hand, a cigar in the other, and his clothes all disheveled. "What happened to you?" asked Putin. "Well, the farmer gave me the Horilka, his wife gave me a box…

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones. " I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep. I woke you up at 4AM but I thought it was only evening. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow." "Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor stuff, remember when that Polish plane crashed with …

Russian Condoms Russian President Putin called President George W. Bush with an emergency: ""Our largest condom factory has exploded

At Heathrow airport in England... ...a 300-foot red carpet was stretched out and President Putin strode to a warm but dignified hand shake from Queen Elizabeth.