#president

[2050] "Grandpa, how did President Trump ever get elected?" Well, we were a bit distracted. That was the year adult coloring books came out

Let's call Trump the "Second Place President." He'll love that.

"We do not negotiate with Pterodactyls."- President Barack Obamasaurus

ME:[just inaugurated as president] Where's the nuke button ADVISOR: why ME:[crumpling photo of my 5th grade bully] I just wanna see it

2016: No way will Trump win the election 2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes 2018: No way we're doing what those Apes say

7: I didn't do my homework Me: why not? 7: they told us to write about the new president Me: so? 7: you told me not to cuss

It's 3000 AD. Everything is fleek. President Updog has dissolved congress. Women make 700x what men do. I'm still writing 2014 on my checks.

"I'd make an awesome president. Give me a problem, any problem." "Um, population control?" "Kill all the storks. BOOM!"

The year is 2543. Beyblades are a form of currency. Everyone speaks in emoji. President Woof outlaws all cats. Madonna releases a new single

Walking Eagle President Bush was invited to address a major gathering of the American Indian Nation last weekend in Arizona. He spoke for almost an hour on his future plans for increasing every Native American's present standard of living. He referred to his career as Governor of Texas, how he had signed ""YES"" 1,237 times - for every Indian issue that came to his desk for approval. Although the President was vague on the details of his plan, he seemed most enthusiastic about his future ideas f…

Politics, explained. A little boy goes to his Dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' Dad says, 'Well son, let Me try to explain it this way: I am the head of the Family, so call me The President Your mother is the Administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, We will call him the Future. Now think about that and see if it makes sense.' So the l…

The Moral of this is...... President Bush tried, and failed. President Clinton tried, and failed. President Obama tried, and succeded. The moral of this is... If you want someone dead, hire a black man...

The new season of House of Cards will be nothing compared to what lies ahead with President Trump!

Donald Trump chose Mikey Pence as his vice-president... Did anyone else realize that Mickey and Donald will run America from now on? Walt Disney also could not have imagined this...

President Trump received congratulations from the Pope himself... Because thanks to him half the world started praying.

If President Trump passes away while in office, he will never admit it because... ...he'll continue tweeting denials about it from the grave: === --- >>###Yes, it is true - Tupac Shakur, the great Afro-American musician, called me about getting together for a meeting. We met, HE IS A GREAT GUY! >> Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 28, 2017 --- === --- >>###VERY dishonest coroner's report says I died. How crooked are they. Why did they only complain after Hillary lost?…

Obama proved a black man can even be president.. And that no matter how high up a black man gets he can't get out of government housing!

President Trump and the Pope. President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying ""Never mind, boys, I'll get it."" The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the h…

President-Elect Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just stayed in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying ""Never mind, boys, I'll get it."" The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked …

Donald Trump is writing a children's book about running for President He's going to title it, ""Marco's Little Adventure""

The Pope, Lebron James, Donald Trump, and a 10 year old boy are flying in a airplane ... The airplane looses power and is quickly falling from the sky, they are gonna crash. Their are only three parachutes and the discussion begins about who should have them. Lebron James rambles on ""I'm the King of Cleveland! My fans need me to win the championship!"" He takes one of the parachutes and bails. Donald Trump rambles on "" I am President Elect! My people need me to make America Great Again! I am t…

Donald Trump has a new plan for solving the conflict of interest of him owning his business empire and being President He's going to put America into a blind trust.

Want to know how to stop the ""Not My President"" Riots? Play the National Anthem and they'll all kneel.

A math teacher ought to be president... To make America integrate again.

If Dwane Johnson were to actually run for President... He could only lose to paper.