#madonna

I just want to look as good as Madonna does now when I've also been dead for 27yrs.

Missed connection: I was a 15 year old boy, you were 1984 Madonna.

I put an ad in Craigslist for a muscular blonde with strong arms, excessive body hair and a thick British accent so I'm dating Madonna now.

I just saw Madonna climb out of a hollowed out tree trunk in the woods near my house.

You know what sucks about Karaoke? Coworkers don't appreciate the time & effort that I put into my make up or outfit before singing Madonna

I fear all this talk of llamas & dresses has distracted us from the important fact that there is video of Madonna falling off a stage.

Someone needs to tell Madonna you can't call it "Girls Gone Wild" when you're a 100.

I drafted 1984 Madonna and a meatball sub for my fantasy football team. Hey, it's my fantasy.

Don't expect me to tweet between 8 & 9 pm because that's when I dress like Madonna for an hour and dance provocatively in front of my pets.

Nicki Minaj washes off her Halloween make up to reveal Lady Gaga who washes her face to reveal Madonna who washes her face to reveal an Emu.

The year is 2543. Beyblades are a form of currency. Everyone speaks in emoji. President Woof outlaws all cats. Madonna releases a new single

A riddle for the day Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good ) ---------------------------------------------------------- The answer is: ""A Last Name."" Sorr…

It's 1968. China and the Soviet Union are on the verge of open hostilities. And only the pope can intervene... Well, so thinks the president of the UN. See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he was determined that the pope, and only the pope, could broker a deal between two hostile nations. If you've not seen *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, it's a fine film with Anthony Quinn and there's international problems solved by the pope. …

Three nuns die and go to heaven Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says ""Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want."" The first nun says ""I want to be Sophia Loren"" and POOF she's gone. The second says ""I want to be Madonna"" and POOF she's gone. The third says ""I want to be Sara Pipalini."" St Peter looks perplexed. ""Who?"" asks St Peter ""Sara Pipa…

Did you hear that Shakira and Madonna had a big fight? They're no longer on a first-name basis.

I always pictured Madonna playing The Invisible Woman in those Fantastic Four films... ...she would've made a great Immaterial Girl.

Madonna is tryin to get Spice Girls back together. Only condition is she gets to join them. They gonna call her Old Spice.

Arnold's is long and hard.. The president's is very short, Madonna doesn't have one, and the Pope has one, but he doesn't use it.

What's the difference between Madonna and a bowling ball ? You can only fit three fingers in the bowling ball.

I know Madonna, on a first name basis.

In honor of the papal visit, I submit the worst, longest, most tortuous pope joke I know. It's 1969. China and the Soviet Union are on the brink of open hostilities. The war would kill us all. And only the pope can save the day. Well, so thinks Richard Nixon. See, he'd been up all night watching *The Shoes of the Fisherman*, and it was such a harrowing vision that he was determined that the pope, and only the pope, could broker a deal between two hostile nations. If you've not seen *The Shoes of…

Im on a first name basis with Madonna, and Cher

New Girlfriend (31) (*pensively*): Hmmm, I guess things are really getting serious between me and my girlfriend, uh, Madonna, because I just added the song ""Lady Madonna"" to my favourites playlist. (*lightheartedly*): I mean, I don't even particularly like that song. [**Laugh here**]

Madonna goes on her arse, To much Material Girl ..

Madonna falls off stage apparently she was supposed to untie her cape so that her dancers could rip it off her. i guess madonna is not as good at pulling things off as she used to be.