#madonna

Madonna falling was wrong on so many levels. Well 2, the stage and the floor.

Madonna fell while performing at a show yesterday. When asked about it, she said... ""All that time on my back reminded me of the 80's""

A riddle for today Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn't have one. The Pope has one but doesn't use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi's. What is it? [The answer is: ""A Last Name."" Sorry Folks...No Dirty Jokes Here!] (/spoiler)

The woman was sent the following letter from her local Walmart. Dear Mrs. Woolf, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are ""documented by our video surveillance cameras"": 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: S…

Madonna is flying from New York to London . . . . . . and happens to be seated next to Oprah on the plane. They exchange pleasantries and settle in. Half way over the Atlantic ocean, the pilot comes on the PA and says, ""We just lost 3 engines. Prepare to go down in the ocean. Madonna grabs her carry-on and begins putting on diamond earrings, a diamond bracelet, and some diamond rings. ""What are you doing?"" Oprah asks. ""When the search team comes looking for us, their search light will hit my…

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Dominique Strauss-Khan uses his all the time. What is it? A last name you pervert.

Madonna is talking with the Spice Girls Says she wants to sponsor a reunion tour so long as she can join them. The girls agree to condition. They call her Old Spice.

Why you shouldn't take your husband shopping After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target. Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and ha…

I don't get it, no one complains when Madonna and Angelina Jolie steal black kids from Africa.

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, 'Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you wish to be. The first nun says, 'I want to be Sophia Loren and *poof* she's gone. The second says, 'I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone. The third says, 'I want to be Sara Pipalini..' St. Peter looks perplexed. 'Who?' he ask 'Sara Pipalini,' replies the nun. St. Peter shak…

Three old Italian spinsters die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says ""Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives that I'm granting you six months to go back to earth and be anyone you want to be. The first spinster says, ""I want to be Sophia Loren;"" and *poof* she's gone. The second says, ""I want to be Madonna;"" and *poof* she's gone. The third says, ""I want to be Sara Pipalini."" St. Peter looks perplexed. ""Who?"" he says. ""Sara Pipalini"" replies the …

FRED: Your monster was making a terrible noise last night. BERT: Yes - ever since he ate Madonna he thinks he can sing.

3 nuns are at the pearly gates... St Peter greets them saying "Sisters of the faith! I have some bad news. Due to the current state of the world, there is a lineup to get into heaven. But since you devoted your lives to the Lord, I have a special surprise for you! You all get to go back to Earth until we can get you in past the gates! And the best part is, because you lived a life of sacrifice and poverty, we will let you return as any famous or rich person you want! Isn't that great?!" He loo…

A. Schwarzenegger has it long, Brad Pitt short, Madonna does not have it and the Pope does not use it. What is it? A surname.

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven... Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. He says, "Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone and do anything you want." The first nun says, "I want-a to be Taylor Swift" and *poof!* she's gone. The second says, "I want-a to be Madonna" and *poof!* she's gone. The third says, "I want-a to be Alberto Pipalini." St. Peter looks perpl…

Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it. What is it? >!A last name.!<

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it? A surname/last name Edit: Donald Trump has one and uses it all the time.

Son: ""Dad why was my sister named Madonna?"" Father: ""Because your mother always thought the world needed another Madonna"

What were you thinking?,"Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his We never saw Lucy use Desi's what is it?

What were you thinking? Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael J. Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The POPE has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, Mickey Mouse has an unusual one, George Burns' was hot, Liberace NEVER used his on women, Jerry Seinfeld is very very proud of his, We never saw Lucy use Desi's what is it?

What is blonde and brown blonde and brown blonde and brown? Answer. Madonna doing cartwheels.

What do you get when you suck all of the Botox out of Madonna? Betty White.

The recession has hit so hard that even Madonna got rid of one of her personal assistants, Guy Ritchie. Guy Ritchie's now making a film about Sherlock Holmes, where a man in a tweed coat and hat is trying to get the better of some mad dog. No idea why Guy feels such an affinity with the story. Frankie Boyle MEMORY

A wife said to her husband: "Do you want to go and see the new Madonna movie tonight?" "I'm a little tired, honey," he replied. "How about we go tomorrow night?" "Are you kidding?" said the wife. "This is a Madonna movie we're talking about. It might not be on tomorrow!" Madonna gives millions to charity, she's done lots of benefits, given a lot of money away. Her greatest gift, of course, to mankind is that she's promised never to do another movie. Craig Ferguson

What's the difference between Jesus and Madonna? Jesus has only been resurrected once.