#brad

Lorax: I am the Lorax, I speak for the trees! They have a crush on you Brad! Trees: What? We did not say that! Tell Brad we didn't say that!

[Evan]: This new hair product is the best [Brad]: Yeah. Check out Jack still using mousse [Jack]: *with Bullwinkle on his head* Shut up guys

*zip-lines through your living room window* *shakes off the broken glass* YO! DO YOU LIKE BRAD PITT BETTER WITH SHORT OR LONG HAIR!?

Breaking: Brad and Angelina have broken up. Thousands of kids homeless.

He rose from mild mannered Social Studies teacher... To vicious kingpin of a criminal cupcake empire. Coming soon to AMC: "BAKING BRAD"

As long as you're good at blending in, you can be part of Brad and Angelina's family too.

HOW I DRESS FOR UNIVERSITY First day of the week: brad pitt Last day of the week: homeless druggie

breakfast in bed? babe I thought you said brofest in bed. *gestures at chad and brad to leave* *whispers* we can still play frisbee later.

Day 1: Brad wears no pants Day 2: Brad wears no pants Day 3: Brad wears no pants ... ... This is just a bottomless Pitt

*kneels to pray* "Hello, God?" "YOU'VE REACHED CUSTOMER SUPPORT." "Who is this?" "MY NAME IS BRAD." "Are you in Heaven, Brad?" "NO, INDIA."

If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me :(

An African American invited a white friend over for dinner ... (Disclaimer: I got the idea for this joke from a post from /r/youdontsurf) An African-American man named Noah invited his white friend, Brad, over for dinner with his family. When Brad arrived at the Noah's house, Noah told him that dinner will be out very soon, and guided him to a seat at the dinner table. Brad was famished, and couldn't wait for food to be served. Soon enough, Noah's voice rang from the kitchen, ""Dinner's ready!""…

I bumped into Brad Pitt the other day They say you shouldn't meet your heroes, but I think Brad handled it really well.

The Queen Elizabeth doesn't have one. The Pope has one, yet he does not use it. Arnold Schwarzenegger's is big, and Brad Pitt's is small. What am I talking about? A last name, you pervs.

Jack, Brad, and Russell got shipwrecked in an island and were captured by vicious tribesmen. They were brought to the Chieftain, to which they were ordered to go into the jungle, pick a fruit and gather 12 pieces of it and present it back. The three hurriedly went to the jungle. Jack and Brad returned together. Jack gathered 12 bananas, and Brad picked 12 blueberries. Upon presenting the fruits, the Chief then told the two: ""I will let anyone of you live if you can shove the fruits that you bri…

Skipper This is one of my favorite jokes, but I have to warn you, it's a bit of a shaggy-dog joke. So, there's a guy named Skipper who, at his work, is known for being a braggart and constantly making things up. Everyone in the workplace knows that Skipper's always telling ridiculous stories and they eventually learn to ignore it. Skipper's boss, though, can't stand it, and says to himself ""this obnoxious kid is insufferable. I can't have him coming into the office everyday and spouting this bu…

Brain walks into a bar. or maybe was his name Brian? No, it was like bill or brad or something. Anyways that dude had the best weed.

I was talking to my Irish mate about Brad Pitt's films, but I could not remember the name of that historical Greek film he was in..... ""Troy."" he said, suddenly. ""I am."" I replied. ""Give me a minute""

The school teacher was furious when Brad knocked him down with his new bicycle in the school yard. ""Don't you know how to ride that yet?"" he roared. ""Oh yes!"" shouted Brad over his shoulder. ""It's the bell I can't work yet.

Both of 'em? Brad went over to Jack's house. While there Jack asked him to grab his slippers from upstairs, because he had back problems and couldn't really walk too well. Reluctantly, because he was a guest so he thought he shouldn't be Jack's errand boy, Brad made his way upstairs. While looking for the slippers he saw Jack's daughter and wife. They were both very attractive. Jack's wife asks him what he's up to, and he, being the quick thinker he is, responds: "Oh you know how Jack has ba…

Just an innocent question Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it. What is it? >!A last name.!<

I like to wear a miniskirt at work I like to wear a miniskirt at work. It suits me well and it puts my legs in values. But it bothers me a little when there is wind because my colleagues tell me: ""We see your balls Brad""

Brad and Stephanie decided.. ..that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 10-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and ask him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

Both of 'em? Brad went over to Jack's house. While there Jack asked him to grab his slippers from upstairs

Why did Angelina tell Brad to do squats? Because she was tired of a bottomless pitt.